Tuesday, April 27, 2010
5:47 AM
Dumb of me.
Just a short post then shall go study.
brandz.panguin.
Had the science workshop yesterday. It did inspired me to think positively:P
They said that if the beginning of the day, u feel it is already a bad day, it will carry on to be disastrous for the whole day.
So i should be optimistic! I hope my days would be better than now.
It was Really efficient. But I'm struggling with some stuffs lately.
Study wise, im really worried for all three sciences. Practically, i just gave everything back to teacher. 9 more days to MYE! How?!
Argh..Must push myself real hard this time.
Got those DSA info. I must strive for JC! Work towards towards my goal.
Ambition: I have changed. I dun wanna be some gynaecologist anymore. I wanna be phychiastrist now! Shall work towards it! :)
Im trying my best to let go everything.
I may know some things but well, i shall not say it out.
It makes things more worst instead. To think that could even happen.
The more i think of it, the more i crash downwards.
I think it was really ironic when you said that.
I just have to be happy for you still..
It was actually promised that we will talk after o's.
But can that even happen? I do not know.
The way u talk to me and to others aint the same at all. Why does that have to be for me?
Urgh..
brandz.panguin.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
10:50 PM
Empty.
Dunno when will be the chemistry test.
brandz.panguin.
Teacher might be going thru the spa assessment booklet.
For chem spa, also not very confirm will be 3rd may. Got people say its Mayday. Haix.
Well, friday. Had some great time with Deborah, Bharti, Nicky, Elisabeth, Hilary and Yvonne.
Played floorball and badminton in the hall. Hahaha..really fun. After that, we even played truth or dare. Yeap.
Probably at 2pm, shall start studying le.
Probably around 12-13 more days before MYE!
JYJY people!! :P
After all this much perserverance, it didnt pay off.
Well, i just have to face reality right now.
My heart is still back in 2008, while my mind is in 2010.
People have been telling me to give up, i didnt. Thought miracles might happen.
Looks like it will never ever happen again.
I just have to let go that hope already.
But i will still fulfill the promise till the end.
All i know is that..
You weren't the person i knew in the past anymore.
i doubt the old you that i have always wanted to be with wont ever come back again.
This is the song that will be memorable.
I will still be happy for you that you have like someone else. :)
Those memories that i had with yoi will still remain with me.
For you, i think you have dropped everything. Nvm, Be happy now:)
Take care..
brandz.panguin.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
4:43 AM
Gone.
Really stressed today with the SS test. Finally its over.
brandz.panguin.
After that, had E maths remedial. Left with the graph question before finishing the Beatty sec paper:p
Phew, tmr no chemistry test. No need to study right now.
Yeap, on the way back home. All of us make fun of mdm choo! Hahhaa..super fun..
Took the same bus as her. Thinking on the way back home.
I know things r not going to be good after that. And it really happened.
Im crashing down now.
I may not know what's going on lately, but i believe i have eyes to see things.
I really need someone that i can pour out all my woes.
But right now, just all alone. On the surface, it may look as though nothing is happening. But under the surface, that is where everything comes out.
Those "glass pieces" full of hopes have scarred my heart.
Im feeling useless now. I have nothing right now to distract my mind. Probably studying should be the best mind. But i bet its not gonna help out much.
I really wanna still believe in my hopes and dreams.
Trying my best to struggle thru this ordeal.
It is said that after much perseverance, the tree will start to bloom and bear fruits?
Does that really happen?
I just dunno how to express everything out here.
Those memories are worth keeping it in my heart.
Blame me for not cherishing the whole matter well.
Even though u may tell me no, but i doubt its true.
Its not that i dun trust you but sometimes, some stuffs cannot be expressed thru words i know.
Yea, probably i shouldnt be feeling down. I should feel happy for you.
Looking at the way u look at your phone and many other things, i know u look happy.
Well, probably its time for me to give up. But still, deep down in my heart, it shall remain the same. I believe you have done the right choice. I aint good enough for you at all. Well, im sorry if i said something wrong.
The promise that i said that time, i know it won't happen anymore. But still, i wanna hold on tight to it cause i know i have broken it once. I dun wish to break it again. Till that promise is fulfilled, deep down in my heart, it will be the same. No matter who that person is, i should be happy for you. :) Furthermore, I have let you down many times. Im sorry. be happy then.
You will always be the one that really brought a great significance to me in my whole sec life. i dun have any rights to deserve anything from you.
brandz.panguin.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
6:26 AM
Pull me up from the ground please.
Today was really up and down.
brandz.panguin.
In the morning, having maths lesson. Really bored.
Had back our test papers that's all and go thru TYS homework.
Physics lesson was kinda nice too.
Really use some effort to pay some attention to what teacher was saying.
English lesson was only filled with at least less than 20 people in the class?! So yea. i also didnt know that relief teachers could mark our test papers.
Read the compre passage on the sofa.
Went into my lalala- land :P
Sometimes, i dun wish to be bothered by some stuffs anymore.
The more i think of it, the more depressed i will be. Im trying to find all ways to make me be distracted from those things. But still, no matter how much effort i try to avoid those things, it fails.
Anyway, shall go study for my biology test! Good luck 4E1 for your biology test and 4E2 for their SS test! :P
I have dropped everything again. Must go stand up again!
Im trying to do things that will not cause any unhappy looks on your face.
I really do have some things to say out to you, but i dun think i should say lest it make things worse.
Deep down in my heart, it still remains but will there still a point?
sometimes, i know my attitude and behaviour is the thing u disgust most. Good luck.
brandz.panguin.
Monday, April 19, 2010
5:34 AM
Serious thinking..
Okay shall just post a short one and off to study! :p
brandz.panguin.
Well, today had english compre and biology spa!
I think english compre, i did it really bad. Really worried. Its English!
Biology spa seems to go well this time round. Dunno why this time did kinda fast.
Hope my answers are accurate too ba.. Pray hard.
Had dance today. Really fun. Even though sometimes we are somehow playing, but we did the dance thingy.
:P
Okay, im feeling much better somehow. Im trying to be optimistic :)
I just dun wish to let such a matter to destroy my 1year plus hope.
What's the point of letting that small matter ruin everything in my life?
So yea, even though things aint going the way i want it to be. But still, i shall not give up.
Even though i said those hopes of mine are like those glass pieces on the floor.
Well, probably i was really dumb at that time.
I should instead be standing up on my feet, picking up all those glass pieces "hopes" slowly again.
no matter how much it hurts, shall take it in my own strides. :)
Okay, shall go off to study le! Good luck to everyone for MYE! JYJYJY:P
I won't mind. Even if the person u are talking bout is me, i will just say sorry then.
but after much thinking, i dun rmbr insulting anyone's marching. Nvm. If u dislike me so much , i can't blame you. All i know, deep down in my heart, it remains the same all this while. I can't let go.
brandz.panguin.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
12:59 AM
Spoilt.
Just finished studying for biology SPA and the test.
brandz.panguin.
Urgh! i dunno how to describe things lately.
My mind is just full of frustration now..
I dunno how to express things right now.
Im just like a boy waiting by the beach.
With an hourglass in my hand.
The sand inside represents those horrible moments happening.
It may seems to be going down the hourglass.
But one thing is that it never seems to end.
I think after some thinking, i bet those words were in fact for me.
Well, just too bad. Im just a person whom people hate alot.
The hope that im holding all this while. Is just been shattered.
Just like those glass pieces scattered on the floor..
Just when my day is getting better, things have to appear and destroy everything.
Im really feeling hopeless now. Im just living such a pathetic life.
Struggling hard.
Those small hopes i have been looking upon all this time,
seems redundant already. I tried to be standing back on my feets.
Now, i have fallen again.
If my advice last 2years have worked, probably things might have changed alittle.
But still, all this regrets just appear to be here.
i know some matters are not going to happen anymore, but why is that retarded mentality of mine so resistant?
In just a few seconds, i have lost everything. All gone.
It takes time again to mould those dreams.
A few days ago, i tried to open those letters again.
I could only open for a few seconds and after that, close it.
i couldnt take the pressure of those flashbacks coming back.
Really useless and hopeless.
Even if i wanna make things better, its useless now.
Knock me out from all this horrible life.
I dun wanna put my hopes too high anymore.
Once it drops on you, the pain is just too much.
Probably in the first place, i shouldn't have appeared in your life.
Im just a parasite in your life.
I should just quietly walked out of your life.
I dun wanna make your life anymore worse.
As long as your life is happy, i should be contented.
Shall start walking out soon. I wanna keep some unforgettable memories first.
And last thing, i know that whole sentence was referring to me.
I know u dislike me now. I cant blame you then. i just had to say im really sorry.
I dun deserve your forgivenessa anymore.
brandz.panguin.
Friday, April 16, 2010
9:02 AM
Coward.
12.17am.
brandz.panguin.
Speech day is over! Wohoo!
Complete success even though there were some minor mistakes!
Hahaha, I think today's PE was the most unforgettable one! =.=
We had to clean the canteen! Omg. But somehow, took advantage of someone's money! Hahahaha..
Mr subscription. :P
Went back home.
Able to watch two episode of my drama! Hahaha. really nice.
Then head down back to school.
Oh ya, ho yang. Thanks for providing everyone with sweets. :)
Happened to rain. But fortunately, we are still able to do the parade.
Really missed Mdm Aini alot. she's a nice principal. :)
Went up to the hall. Had the prize presentation. And really like the band music.
But what came upon me is that. Why am i so useless?! only two person in that row, but still..i didnt even dare to move. REALLY Useless. Was kinda disappointed with myself during the period of time. Jsut kept quiet throughout.
After that, took my stuffs. Changed, and went home straight. really bored.
If only i can go back to the past and change some things.
My life is beginning to be full of regrets. I shouldnt have done those stuffs happening in November.
How dumbo am i. =.=
Im really lost. What should i do?!
I know it takes two hands to clap.
If wanna talk to you bout some matters after o's, r u willing to hear it?
Congrats to your company! :P
brandz.panguin.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
7:26 AM
Disappointed.
Have been very busy lately with lots of studies.
brandz.panguin.
Yeap! Speech day is tmr. Gonna have a parade and receive two awards.
Should be feeling elated but seriously, im not.
Things lately stilll hasn't been going that well.
Even though i know that life is full of ups and downs, but i need to face reality.
I dunno what to do.
Past two days have been having 4tests altogether.
Upcoming would be Social studies!
Today had Geog and E maths test.
Maths was really horrible. Sweating throughout.
Couldn't take it. Vomited everything out.
Super horrible.
After that, didnt really feel good the whole day. Had geog remedial but i was apparently not even listening. How dumb am i are.
Went to change into full-uniform.
Head down to parade square. Did the parade twice.
Worst of all, it had to rain! Wanted to run out and into the buildings, in the end, didnt.
I dunno how to describe this day.
But when its a day where i can relax alittle. My body just had to be weak. =.=
Hate it.
And thanks Deborah for the sweet.
Thanks Eli for your concern.
Hope i will be fine tmr..
My body is aching now! And I have to do pull-up tmr! Hope im able to do at least 6 ba.
Shall go rest soon!
I dunno how.
When i just wanna care for something, it just doesn't want to.
I seriously dunno how.
I just feel really useless, retarded and disappointed!
Didnt expect you to laugh when they make fun of me vomitting..
Kinda disappointed..
brandz.panguin.
Friday, April 9, 2010
8:47 AM
softhearted.
Aite, didnt really have the mood to blog lately.
brandz.panguin.
shall post something today then.
Well, i kinda really disappointed of myself. Hate myself alot.
Im just too soft hearted already. Sometimes, i doubt its good to be softhearted if not, people will climb over your head. This matter have been bugging me for awhile.
I have been telling myself not to be that softhearted, but well..not helping at all.
Lately, have been very busy. And all i know is that, i have Chemistry spa next week!! Really worried if its the cross thingy. Dunno when the cross will totally disappear or just opaque..Haix! God bless 4E1. Following week will be Biology test! OMG.
Upcoming, there will A math test, E maths test. Two words "NEVER ENDING". =.=
Well, 12.08am now. Remembering what date is today. :)
If i got a remote control to my life, i wanna turn it backwards to sec 2 life.
But how dumb of me, its just a wishful thinking of my part.
I really what to do..even though im living in the present, but my mind still flows back into the past.
Had chinese oral! WOhoo! Feel so happy!! Hahaha..the passage was really awesome! But for the conversation, it just spoils the whole mood. I was like stammering and stammering, dunny what to say..hope i will be able to do well for it ba..
Get well soon deborah! must become lively again k?! :P
I know things can't change anymore..I just wish for a miracle..
brandz.panguin.
8:47 AM
softhearted.
brandz.panguin.
Monday, April 5, 2010
7:08 AM
Bored.
Lately, not much homework given to us.
brandz.panguin.
So yea, dunno what to do for now.
Left with physics worksheet. After that, shall study either for chemistry or E maths.
I can't afford to lose anymore time.
Well, i dunno why lately i have been doing this.
Its either im trying to distract my mind from other stuffs but studying or just that im too bored.
I really wish some things shouldnt have appeared in my life,
Really regretted, now even though i wanna change some facts..it still remains there.
I have been holding onto it for quite some time.
I wanna accomplish it. But, how am i am gonna boost my morale to carry it on??
Im losing strength..
I wont give up.
Sometimes, its good not to know some stuffs.
Its just the beginning of the week, i hope the next four days would be much better. Full of smiles.
Today had a great time during the dance. Just touched up more on formation today. :P
Those good old days, i will always remember it.
No matter what happen before and after it, I dun care. I just want those moments.
Well, Shall go do my homework le :P JYJY people! :)
I know some stuffs that have happened, good and bad.
I just wanna rmbr those moments with you.
When i think of what i have done, im really sorry.
Well, i know i dun deserve your forgiveness. I was foolish and asshole.
brandz.panguin.
7:08 AM
good old memories.
brandz.panguin.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
6:20 AM
Shattered.
9.30pm
brandz.panguin.
Took a long time doing SS and geography..
Really worried if there will be any spa this week.
Looking on the bright side.
If i have a time machine, i wanna move back to my sec2 life..but i really do wanna my o's to finish soon too..
Well, off to eat dinner!
Will those memories still be remembered there?in your heart?
brandz.panguin.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
7:19 AM
some things are just not meant to be that way..
Gonna study soon or finish up all my homework..
brandz.panguin.
I dunno why..
I feel bottled up with so many things..I wanna let loose everything..
But who can i turn to right now?
lately, feeling really lethargic. Dunno.
Remembering those days..
Why are things just so complicated?!
Can't things be better ever again?
Wonder will there be any spa next week!! Urgh!!
I really pray hard things will get better by next week..
Will u still rmbr those days?
brandz.panguin.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
7:53 AM
Full of regrets.
Sports Day! Reached school around 6.20am. Realised only both traning head were present there :P
brandz.panguin.
So yea, went to find key to open room. Wohoo! I love my class tee alot. Sad to say, didnt win anything but well..thats not what really matters. :P
Really disappointed with myself during the handball.
Plenty of Casualties. There was once i was sitting in the room having my first bite on my bun, and i had to run out to treat people! Currently both feet is suan and injured.
Well, talked to someone. Found out some truth. Dun really care bout it anymore. Long time.
Shall go rest now. super exhausted.
Wonder how ur interview thingy turn out. Hope its aite. IMY.
brandz.panguin.
