meant to be like this..

Bitter and sweet.

2010-07-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Yeap. Today was kinda a short day.

Had SS test today. Urgh! Its only like one full page. Bet i have forgotten some points.

My hand was really freaking pain! Haha. I think that goes the same for the others. :)

Had Assembly. erm, was some kind of puppet show. Haha. Quite interesting.

The man who was acting as the king, was really awesome at making animal sounds. Wohoo!

After that, came the most interesting part. XD

Went to Ngee Ann poly to visit the various courses. Went for life science and health science.

But well, when we went to the nursing category. Realized i went there before for my CCA.

I think that was like 3years ago.. Before that, we went to the lecture theatre to have some briefing on the health and life sciences. HAHA! the lecturer was really awesome. The way she expresses her words really liven up the atmosphere. Oh ya! when we reached NP, saw some performances. Really nice. Especially the guy who did the sound effects. Hahha...

Going back to the part in the lecture theatre, the lecturer showed us something bout the liquid nitrogen. Can't believe that they even used it to freeze up our body when we die! But that's optional (U have to pay $30000) Hahaha. Small containers were used only for people who wants to freeze only their head when they die. Yeap. Quite interesting.

Urgh! Still, im planning to carry on to JC. BUt which JC?!?! And the deadlines are closing soon for DSA! Omg-.- NJC? CJC? AJC? SAJC? SRJC?

Im super disappointed with myself. Once i have something, i just took it for granted and not cherishing it well enough -.-

I wanna change things from "impossible" to "possible". But would it be practical and realistic?! -.-

Oral!

2010-07-07T06:54:00.000-07:00

OKAY!! Im super super EXTREMELY worried bout my oral tmr! Worst of all, its after school.

I'm the 6th person. :( Omg, im really worried for my conversation part! If i gonna stutter in front of those teachers, im so gonna be dead. Please pray hard i can better marks for it. :(

Well, yeap. Had the physics practice spa. ELECTRICITY. Hahaha XD

Joined up all the wire. and it WORKS!! :) Well, I miss my chemistry lessons. There has been too much Biology! Even though the current chapters is about DNA. It can be quite interesting, but somehow i can't seem to open my eyes to focus. Hahhaa, i hoooppee that does not only apply to me. :(

Yeap! Chemistry lesson is my first period tmr. But gonna go thru that spa skill 3 again. :(

After that, it would be PE! what are we going to do? Run? Play? :(

Haix.. For SS! Every week. Wed will be SBQ test. Friday will be SEQ test.

Upcoming will be the test on Healthcare in Singapore. :(

I dunno why they days seem to be shorter lately.

Since you want it that way, then i can't do anything else. I really dunno what you want. i know you won't care at all.

Regrets.

2010-07-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

Okayy, here i am posting :)

Its like 1.42am. Urgh. Kinda of sleepy. But im kinda reluctant to sleep now.

Aite. It's just the first week of Term 3!! Omg. Im already beginning to go alittle mad.

Was extremely busy doing things. All it got to do was with Studies-.-

Yeap. Today, we did the "parade" for Sjab day. Even though some of us( And that includes me :P)made a few mistakes. Well, i was the flag bearer. Hahha, there was no time to put up the Sjab flag.

Carried on with everything. Yeap. It went smoothly. But kinda of disappointed with myself. I did lots of stuff wrongly :( Was really touched by some of my juniors. They gave that orange colour board. Well, I gonna miss my juniors. But well, its time for them to fly on their own. Maybe will come back once or twice to visit them. :P

Well, shall sleep soon.

The animosity between us is like a real big gap. Can't we close it up? Please? Ever since last 2weeks. Omg.

Befuddled.

2010-06-29T05:40:00.000-07:00

Arr!! Its been awhile since i post again.

Well, u can say that i have no time to do such things.

Its the 2nd day of term 2!

Seriously, i do have the interest to study. But each day, the time flies pass so fast!

I SERIOUSLY hate it when i say im gonna rest for awhile. Half an hr would mean like probably 3hrs?! And when i open my textbook, i would always and its super irritating.

I dunno why. But lately things aint going well at all.

Yeap. Had rehearsal today for St. john day. In the end, they decided to postpone it to friday instead. -.- After that, teacher did asked me to come back to help out in St. John. Yeap, im really willing to help out. Its either i continue to become an officer or as a senior :(

I wanna try out the DSA. Teacher tell me to try out by using Leadership. Well, i plan to study in JC ba. BUt well, NYJC, CJC or SAJC? Hahahaha.. I really dunno. How?! any suggestions from anyone? Please.

Urgh! Aite. shall stop here for now. No time to slack anymore. Shall go study finish up my homework and study some subjects. English lessons taught by Mr Cheng today. Really interesting lesson. Haha :) Hope the next lessons will be nice too :P

All the best people! study hard. Omg. next week thursday and its my 'o' lvl chinese oral examination!! Uh oh..

Till now, you still ignore eveything. Haix.. I dunno what to do anymore..

World Cup fever..

2010-06-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile since i post again.

Apparently, i have been procrastinating lately.
Feeling really bored now. Thinking of what to do.
I haven't done my SS. Due to laziness. -.-
Left with around 4 english summary to do.

When am i gonna get back into my "study" mood?!

Urgh. Regarding bout studies, I do not really what my ambitions are.

I do not why. -.-

But i must study really hard! I'm planning to go JC.

Yeap! Watching world cup now. Ghana vs Australia :) 1-1 .

Hahaha! u can say its the world cup fever.

Seriously, isnt it alittle irony? I like to watch soccer but i rarely play it.

Well, tmr plan to stay up to watch Brazil vs Ivory Coast. Brazil all the way!! Wohoo!

hahaha, hope i will not sleep right in front of my laptop. :P

Wondering should i watch Cameroon vs Germany? hahaha.

okayy enough of all those boring stuffs..

1more week and school is gonna start!!

Should i feel happy bout it or not? -.-

Yeap, thanks for your advice:P

I hope from now on, everything will become better. :P

Come back soon!

2010-06-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yeap! That's my Staff Sergeant rank :P

Hahaha! Came back from camp yesterday. Reached home around 2plus.

Omg. Well, this was probably the last Sjab camp im gonna have unless i continue with OTC.

But well, it takes at least 6months to be an officer. Hai~

Yeap, Had the promotion ceremony yesterday, was the commander. Screwed up alittle cause there's only one rehearsal. Saw each of my juniors being promoted and took up their posts. Really proud of them :P

From the point when they joined CCA, they changed from mischievous cadets to matured cadets.

Wohoo! Hope they will be able to do better than my batch. Its time for me to let them take over:( Probably i will still go back once or twice:)

Hahaha, the camp was really nice even though we got punished alot. Circuit pumping was pure awesome even though it was tedious. My juniors, im so gonna miss them. Especially my FAC members. :( Sjab day. Who would become the PC? Me or the new training head??

Well, I still have tonnes of homework to finish up. Hope i will be able to finish up by the 3rd week. I dunno why but i just feel like resting and slacking!! :(

Someone please push me to study!!Argh! :(

Hai~ anyone wanna go watch karate kid?Im so bored at home. Dun wish to stone at home.

Well, in order for everything in life to be normal, i cant say out how i really feel. :(

i shall not say anything.

does it have to be like this??

2010-06-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

Yeap its midnight:) Seriously, its my 3rd day of procrastination. -.-

Haven really been doing some productive work. What's wrong with me?!

Im supposed to use this holiday to revise and study. But here i am, staring into the air.

If i have a choice to choose between holiday and going back to school, i think going back school would be a better choice. :(

3 days time! Off i go for my promotional camp-.-

Should i be feeling happy or sad? After this camp, CCA would somehow be out of my life till o's.

Oh ya! I still have to finish my total defence gold course. And i have to wash teacher's car! -.-

I really wanna attend ndp 2010 and YOG duty. But thinking of my parents gonna chase after with a chopper and my studies, will i be able to spend my saturdays doing duties?! Probably, i should let go and concentrate on studies.

Im still a ship wandering in the ocean, heading towards no direction.

I feel really useless. Poly or JC?

Im still left with lots of english and SS to be done! Its gonna be like 2weeks already?!

and im still left with the sciences too-.-

OMG! -.-

I must force myself later to really focus hard and finish my homework. I still need to carry on with my revision.

Can the time turn back? I wanna remove my mistakes.

Hahaha, really dumb of me. Even though i have moved on, but those memories still remain in my mind. I know its useless ever since..

But well, i shall always rmbr it. even though it will be hurting.

Truthfully, when i see you move on, i do feel really happy for you but i do feel sad too.

Blame me.

2010-06-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

Yeap.

Went back to school for remedials again. A maths, E maths and Biology. -.-

A maths, learnt integration! Yeap. Its kinda interesting and fun to solve. i dunno why :)

Hope that i will be able to finish up all the chapters and after that, do revision and exam papers :P

E maths, just a short period of time and we have finished learning probability! Wohoo!

Can be quite interesting but confusing too.

Best thing was that most of us have gotten sick of Biology lessons. AND THAT INCLUDES ME! XD

Called teacher asked whether can postpone in the end, still carried on as per normal-.-

But just went through a few MYE questions. But most of the time, she was talking about her sons and daughter :) So yea. the time did fly faster.

After school, went to buy flowers for mdm Tham! XD

Its 18dollars. But if first time buying, i think its quite reasonable.

But the wrapper was kinda droopy. Thanks to hy and hilary, it became better :P

Yeap, worst part was about the MRT matter. Im really sorry guys. Didnt really mean to cause so much trouble for you guys. Its my fault. I know everyone would say that its not my fault, but deep inside my heart, i really feel bad. SORRY.

When i reach NUH, then i realised that i went there before. -.-

Went to find teacher at ward 48, she was not there. Thought she got discharged already.

In the end, went to ward 66. Yeap, luckily when we go and see her, the tubes and oxygen mask was already been taken out. If not, i think i will be very upset seriously. She showed us her wound. It was real gross. The steel clips was really gruesome to witness. Hahaha.

Sometimes, i even wonder why i aspired to be a doctor but grossed by these stuffs. -.-

Yeap, accompanied with her till 6. And went home. May god bless you.

Have a speedy recovery teacher! :)

Yeap, took the train till Outram park with Yvonne and down to Serangoon. Took 153 back home.

Really tired. :(

Well, i think i shall rest tmr. My camp is like next week!! -.- Thursday to Saturday.

Wohoo! Hope i will be promoted to sergeant! If possible, Staff sergeant. (whuch seems to be like unrealistic). Yeap, pray hard my juniors do pass their Nco, and lead our corp well.

from sunday, i shall try to study my a maths and all three sciences. Languages, i must force myself to buy newspaper to read le :)

i dunno whether should i go jogging. Its been awhile since i exercise.

I dun wish to grow horizontally but VERTICALLY! :)

Well, saw the bottom of your post again.

A matter on promising seems familiar. But well, i bet you wrote that sentence aint for me.

Hahaha, what am i thinking? i cant be thinking that it was for me.

Ignore it.

2010-06-03T05:52:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile!! :))))

Yeap, here i am posting this post because i do not have the inspiration today to study at all. But shall try to force myself later.

Well, im really worried bout my studies. Till now, i can't decide where to go.

I really wanna study JC and strive towards my goal of being a doctor. But thinking of it, What if one day i really couldnt take it?! How? :(

But looking from the poly perception, I think im more interested in Sciences; Biomedical Science.

Its kinda interesting. Yeap, im still deciding. But looking at the situation, poly seems more suitable.

SHould i use DPA? I dunno whether what i can write bout my CCA.

Yeap, few days ago. Had my chinese o's. Paper 1 was still manageable for me :P

But for paper 2, its easier than MYE. But even though i know its easier, i doubt i will do well for it :( Pray hard that i can get at least B3. School reopens and there will be oral and listening compre, early July.

What i really wish now is that there would be at least one day for me not to worry bout anything.

Yeap, today had english and ss "workshop". Hahaha, was really bored during the english session. I decided to draw MOzzies!! :P Hahaha, i like to draw squares, pyramids and cone alot! :))

Childhood inspirations. Well, yeap. AVA room was really cold.

Tmr after school, shall go see teacher. Hope she's alright. :)

May god bless her.

This one-month holiday wont seem to be one anymore.

Time for me to study STUDY!

Haha, i have decided that i should go jogging every morning provided that i have no school and im not lazy to wake up :))

Well, i have tell myself to move on. But sometimes, it will still trigger in my mind. When i saw the bottom of the post, I really feel useless. Well, i should feel happy for her instead :) She's moved on. Still my close friend no matter what ya. Btw, congrats on getting 4strokes :))) Envy you. I at most only can get 3strokes. :(

Btw, i really hope u will still agree to our private talk k :P

Gotten over it.

2010-05-24T03:12:00.000-07:00

Okay. Been awhile since i blogged again.

In another weeks' time, i will be sitting for my o level chinese.

I really pray hard that i would be able to get at least a B3.

Dun wish to sit another time during the year end.

Yeap, got back my results.

English paper1 : 36/70

paper2: 25/50

Chinese pp1: 40/70

pp2: 35/70

Kinda of disappointed with my languages.

Maths pp1: 61/80

pp2: 83/100

A maths pp1: 59/80

pp2: 70/100

Chem pp1: 32/40

pp2: 42/80

Biology pp1: 28/40

pp2: 55/80

Physics pp1: 28/40

pp2: 54/80

SS: 28/50

Geography: 39.5/50

Haix. Not really happy with my results. But i must not give up!!

Yeap, these fews days. We had chinese intensive lesson in the AVA room.

Really cold. What we have been doing is papers and papers..papers..papers.. :(

My brain is totally jammed up. And tmr, we will still be having it!! omg.

I hope all this hardwork i have done will pay off in my exams. AT LEAST A B3!

All i need to do now is to realx my mind and do chinese worksheets. :(

JYJY :P

Had the dance rehearsal just now. Things wont going well. i dun even know what happened.

Since you have long long time forgotten about everything anymore. I have made a decision.

I know you have moved on. Good for you then. There will be no point for me to live in the past anymore. I shall move on too. Those memories, I wont be carrying with me wherever i go anymore. I shall put it into a container and into my drawer. Just for remembrance.

I waited for at least a year for things to change back but to no avail. Be happy then. Well, Even though that time when you said it was a no, i knew it was actually a yes.

Cherish things.

2010-05-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

Well, today morning went to watch IP man 2 with YC.

Have been quite a long time since i went out with him.

Yeap! The show was really awesome. Wohoo!

My 10bucks just went "POOF"! Gone. :(

After that, went back home. Stone.

Really serious situation. I dun even know what to do.

So bored. :(

When i think o level chinese coming soon, i really wish i could stop the time.

Seriously, im not even prepared for it yet. I really wanna close my eyes and think of nothing.

I dunno what to do in order to distract myself.

All i could do is to watch my korean drama. But there is nothing nice happening in my life.

Watching drama halfway, parents come back. Get scolding for no reason.

Anyway, why should i bother bout that?!

Heck care.

I dunno why things lately have been quite complicated. I feel "empty" and confused.

I dunno how..

Thanks nicky. :)

Done. Yeap.

2010-05-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

Done with MYE!! Wohoo!

BUt i will miss sitting in the hall even though its cold.

Yeap i know its been awhile since i post..Hahaha..

Was busy studying..didnt even have the time to blog..

So yea..

Hahaha, shall post today..

Yeap! talking Bout MYE.. Im really worried bout my sciences and Cl paper 2. Its a goner.

Worst of all, i didnt really "enjoy" my last two paper..

I was like sweating during the exam. Couldnt take it. Tried to use my jacket to keep my abdomen warm. but still, no use -.-

yeap, the good thing is that MYE is over! But im not going to be satisfied with my results. I bet its poor grade. :( Did lots of careless mistake.

Well, its over after all.

Finally, i can relax for awhile before going into studying mode again. June holidays! I must study all day through! At most 3weeks plus. I can't afford to lose anymore time le. And my most fearful subject is the first paper for o's. Should be in June or July. :(

Urgh!! my table is in a mess now-.- Filled with papers.

Really didnt have the time to clear everything up.

Wohoo! Four days of rest! Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday!

But wait, what can i do during these 4days? Im gonna probably stone at home for 2days?!

Im really in a dilemma. When i dont study, i feel bored. Not sure what to do.

But if otherwise, i will be like "Argh! How many more chapters to go?!"

I dunno how this time round i gonna fare. I want to study to go SAJC! But if i gonna do a reality check, i must get at least 8 or 9points. If not, i shall plan to go CJC. Last choice, NP. All i know, i wanna get into medical. Hope i will realise what are my ambitions. Doctor or Psychiatrist?? Hahhaa. lastly, Army medic :)

Well, i admit that i did go on the wrong path. But, I didnt continue. I came out of it and went back to my old promise. I know promise are meant to be kept. I broke it once. Damn. Regretted.

I shouldnt have started all those trouble.

Hahaha! Yeap, shall not continue with my sorrows. Wohoo! Hope Monday and Tuesday, i will be able to go out.

Why was i dumb to do that?!

Dumb of me.

2010-04-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

Just a short post then shall go study.

Had the science workshop yesterday. It did inspired me to think positively:P

They said that if the beginning of the day, u feel it is already a bad day, it will carry on to be disastrous for the whole day.

So i should be optimistic! I hope my days would be better than now.

It was Really efficient. But I'm struggling with some stuffs lately.

Study wise, im really worried for all three sciences. Practically, i just gave everything back to teacher. 9 more days to MYE! How?!

Argh..Must push myself real hard this time.

Got those DSA info. I must strive for JC! Work towards towards my goal.

Ambition: I have changed. I dun wanna be some gynaecologist anymore. I wanna be phychiastrist now! Shall work towards it! :)

Im trying my best to let go everything.

I may know some things but well, i shall not say it out.

It makes things more worst instead. To think that could even happen.

The more i think of it, the more i crash downwards.

I think it was really ironic when you said that.

I just have to be happy for you still..

It was actually promised that we will talk after o's.

But can that even happen? I do not know.

The way u talk to me and to others aint the same at all. Why does that have to be for me?

Urgh..

Empty.

2010-04-24T22:50:00.000-07:00

Dunno when will be the chemistry test.

Teacher might be going thru the spa assessment booklet.

For chem spa, also not very confirm will be 3rd may. Got people say its Mayday. Haix.

Well, friday. Had some great time with Deborah, Bharti, Nicky, Elisabeth, Hilary and Yvonne.

Played floorball and badminton in the hall. Hahaha..really fun. After that, we even played truth or dare. Yeap.

Probably at 2pm, shall start studying le.

Probably around 12-13 more days before MYE!

JYJY people!! :P

After all this much perserverance, it didnt pay off.

Well, i just have to face reality right now.

My heart is still back in 2008, while my mind is in 2010.

People have been telling me to give up, i didnt. Thought miracles might happen.

Looks like it will never ever happen again.

I just have to let go that hope already.

But i will still fulfill the promise till the end.

All i know is that..

You weren't the person i knew in the past anymore.

i doubt the old you that i have always wanted to be with wont ever come back again.

This is the song that will be memorable.

I will still be happy for you that you have like someone else. :)

Those memories that i had with yoi will still remain with me.

For you, i think you have dropped everything. Nvm, Be happy now:)

Take care..

Gone.

2010-04-22T04:43:00.000-07:00

Really stressed today with the SS test. Finally its over.

After that, had E maths remedial. Left with the graph question before finishing the Beatty sec paper:p

Phew, tmr no chemistry test. No need to study right now.

Yeap, on the way back home. All of us make fun of mdm choo! Hahhaa..super fun..

Took the same bus as her. Thinking on the way back home.

I know things r not going to be good after that. And it really happened.

Im crashing down now.

I may not know what's going on lately, but i believe i have eyes to see things.

I really need someone that i can pour out all my woes.

But right now, just all alone. On the surface, it may look as though nothing is happening. But under the surface, that is where everything comes out.

Those "glass pieces" full of hopes have scarred my heart.

Im feeling useless now. I have nothing right now to distract my mind. Probably studying should be the best mind. But i bet its not gonna help out much.

I really wanna still believe in my hopes and dreams.

Trying my best to struggle thru this ordeal.

It is said that after much perseverance, the tree will start to bloom and bear fruits?

Does that really happen?

I just dunno how to express everything out here.

Those memories are worth keeping it in my heart.

Blame me for not cherishing the whole matter well.

Even though u may tell me no, but i doubt its true.

Its not that i dun trust you but sometimes, some stuffs cannot be expressed thru words i know.

Yea, probably i shouldnt be feeling down. I should feel happy for you.

Looking at the way u look at your phone and many other things, i know u look happy.

Well, probably its time for me to give up. But still, deep down in my heart, it shall remain the same. I believe you have done the right choice. I aint good enough for you at all. Well, im sorry if i said something wrong.

The promise that i said that time, i know it won't happen anymore. But still, i wanna hold on tight to it cause i know i have broken it once. I dun wish to break it again. Till that promise is fulfilled, deep down in my heart, it will be the same. No matter who that person is, i should be happy for you. :) Furthermore, I have let you down many times. Im sorry. be happy then.

You will always be the one that really brought a great significance to me in my whole sec life. i dun have any rights to deserve anything from you.

Pull me up from the ground please.

2010-04-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

Today was really up and down.

In the morning, having maths lesson. Really bored.

Had back our test papers that's all and go thru TYS homework.

Physics lesson was kinda nice too.

Really use some effort to pay some attention to what teacher was saying.

English lesson was only filled with at least less than 20 people in the class?! So yea. i also didnt know that relief teachers could mark our test papers.

Read the compre passage on the sofa.

Went into my lalala- land :P

Sometimes, i dun wish to be bothered by some stuffs anymore.

The more i think of it, the more depressed i will be. Im trying to find all ways to make me be distracted from those things. But still, no matter how much effort i try to avoid those things, it fails.

Anyway, shall go study for my biology test! Good luck 4E1 for your biology test and 4E2 for their SS test! :P

I have dropped everything again. Must go stand up again!

Im trying to do things that will not cause any unhappy looks on your face.

I really do have some things to say out to you, but i dun think i should say lest it make things worse.

Deep down in my heart, it still remains but will there still a point?

sometimes, i know my attitude and behaviour is the thing u disgust most. Good luck.

Serious thinking..

2010-04-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

Okay shall just post a short one and off to study! :p

Well, today had english compre and biology spa!

I think english compre, i did it really bad. Really worried. Its English!

Biology spa seems to go well this time round. Dunno why this time did kinda fast.

Hope my answers are accurate too ba.. Pray hard.

Had dance today. Really fun. Even though sometimes we are somehow playing, but we did the dance thingy.

Okay, im feeling much better somehow. Im trying to be optimistic :)

I just dun wish to let such a matter to destroy my 1year plus hope.

What's the point of letting that small matter ruin everything in my life?

So yea, even though things aint going the way i want it to be. But still, i shall not give up.

Even though i said those hopes of mine are like those glass pieces on the floor.

Well, probably i was really dumb at that time.

I should instead be standing up on my feet, picking up all those glass pieces "hopes" slowly again.

no matter how much it hurts, shall take it in my own strides. :)

Okay, shall go off to study le! Good luck to everyone for MYE! JYJYJY:P

I won't mind. Even if the person u are talking bout is me, i will just say sorry then.

but after much thinking, i dun rmbr insulting anyone's marching. Nvm. If u dislike me so much , i can't blame you. All i know, deep down in my heart, it remains the same all this while. I can't let go.

Spoilt.

2010-04-18T00:59:00.000-07:00

Just finished studying for biology SPA and the test.

Urgh! i dunno how to describe things lately.

My mind is just full of frustration now..

I dunno how to express things right now.

Im just like a boy waiting by the beach.

With an hourglass in my hand.

The sand inside represents those horrible moments happening.

It may seems to be going down the hourglass.

But one thing is that it never seems to end.

I think after some thinking, i bet those words were in fact for me.

Well, just too bad. Im just a person whom people hate alot.

The hope that im holding all this while. Is just been shattered.

Just like those glass pieces scattered on the floor..

Just when my day is getting better, things have to appear and destroy everything.

Im really feeling hopeless now. Im just living such a pathetic life.

Struggling hard.

Those small hopes i have been looking upon all this time,

seems redundant already. I tried to be standing back on my feets.

Now, i have fallen again.

If my advice last 2years have worked, probably things might have changed alittle.

But still, all this regrets just appear to be here.

i know some matters are not going to happen anymore, but why is that retarded mentality of mine so resistant?

In just a few seconds, i have lost everything. All gone.

It takes time again to mould those dreams.

A few days ago, i tried to open those letters again.

I could only open for a few seconds and after that, close it.

i couldnt take the pressure of those flashbacks coming back.

Really useless and hopeless.

Even if i wanna make things better, its useless now.

Knock me out from all this horrible life.

I dun wanna put my hopes too high anymore.

Once it drops on you, the pain is just too much.

Probably in the first place, i shouldn't have appeared in your life.

Im just a parasite in your life.

I should just quietly walked out of your life.

I dun wanna make your life anymore worse.

As long as your life is happy, i should be contented.

Shall start walking out soon. I wanna keep some unforgettable memories first.

And last thing, i know that whole sentence was referring to me.

I know u dislike me now. I cant blame you then. i just had to say im really sorry.

I dun deserve your forgivenessa anymore.

Coward.

2010-04-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

12.17am.

Speech day is over! Wohoo!

Complete success even though there were some minor mistakes!

Hahaha, I think today's PE was the most unforgettable one! =.=

We had to clean the canteen! Omg. But somehow, took advantage of someone's money! Hahahaha..

Mr subscription. :P

Went back home.

Able to watch two episode of my drama! Hahaha. really nice.

Then head down back to school.

Oh ya, ho yang. Thanks for providing everyone with sweets. :)

Happened to rain. But fortunately, we are still able to do the parade.

Really missed Mdm Aini alot. she's a nice principal. :)

Went up to the hall. Had the prize presentation. And really like the band music.

But what came upon me is that. Why am i so useless?! only two person in that row, but still..i didnt even dare to move. REALLY Useless. Was kinda disappointed with myself during the period of time. Jsut kept quiet throughout.

After that, took my stuffs. Changed, and went home straight. really bored.

If only i can go back to the past and change some things.

My life is beginning to be full of regrets. I shouldnt have done those stuffs happening in November.

How dumbo am i. =.=

Im really lost. What should i do?!

I know it takes two hands to clap.

If wanna talk to you bout some matters after o's, r u willing to hear it?

Congrats to your company! :P

Disappointed.

2010-04-15T07:26:00.000-07:00

Have been very busy lately with lots of studies.

Yeap! Speech day is tmr. Gonna have a parade and receive two awards.

Should be feeling elated but seriously, im not.

Things lately stilll hasn't been going that well.

Even though i know that life is full of ups and downs, but i need to face reality.

I dunno what to do.

Past two days have been having 4tests altogether.

Upcoming would be Social studies!

Today had Geog and E maths test.

Maths was really horrible. Sweating throughout.

Couldn't take it. Vomited everything out.

Super horrible.

After that, didnt really feel good the whole day. Had geog remedial but i was apparently not even listening. How dumb am i are.

Went to change into full-uniform.

Head down to parade square. Did the parade twice.

Worst of all, it had to rain! Wanted to run out and into the buildings, in the end, didnt.

I dunno how to describe this day.

But when its a day where i can relax alittle. My body just had to be weak. =.=

Hate it.

And thanks Deborah for the sweet.

Thanks Eli for your concern.

Hope i will be fine tmr..

My body is aching now! And I have to do pull-up tmr! Hope im able to do at least 6 ba.

Shall go rest soon!

I dunno how.

When i just wanna care for something, it just doesn't want to.

I seriously dunno how.

I just feel really useless, retarded and disappointed!

Didnt expect you to laugh when they make fun of me vomitting..

Kinda disappointed..

softhearted.

2010-04-09T08:47:00.001-07:00

Aite, didnt really have the mood to blog lately.

shall post something today then.

Well, i kinda really disappointed of myself. Hate myself alot.

Im just too soft hearted already. Sometimes, i doubt its good to be softhearted if not, people will climb over your head. This matter have been bugging me for awhile.

I have been telling myself not to be that softhearted, but well..not helping at all.

Lately, have been very busy. And all i know is that, i have Chemistry spa next week!! Really worried if its the cross thingy. Dunno when the cross will totally disappear or just opaque..Haix! God bless 4E1. Following week will be Biology test! OMG.

Upcoming, there will A math test, E maths test. Two words "NEVER ENDING". =.=

Well, 12.08am now. Remembering what date is today. :)

If i got a remote control to my life, i wanna turn it backwards to sec 2 life.

But how dumb of me, its just a wishful thinking of my part.

I really what to do..even though im living in the present, but my mind still flows back into the past.

Had chinese oral! WOhoo! Feel so happy!! Hahaha..the passage was really awesome! But for the conversation, it just spoils the whole mood. I was like stammering and stammering, dunny what to say..hope i will be able to do well for it ba..

Get well soon deborah! must become lively again k?! :P

I know things can't change anymore..I just wish for a miracle..

softhearted.

2010-04-09T08:47:00.000-07:00

Bored.

2010-04-05T07:08:00.001-07:00

Lately, not much homework given to us.

So yea, dunno what to do for now.

Left with physics worksheet. After that, shall study either for chemistry or E maths.

I can't afford to lose anymore time.

Well, i dunno why lately i have been doing this.

Its either im trying to distract my mind from other stuffs but studying or just that im too bored.

I really wish some things shouldnt have appeared in my life,

Really regretted, now even though i wanna change some facts..it still remains there.

I have been holding onto it for quite some time.

I wanna accomplish it. But, how am i am gonna boost my morale to carry it on??

Im losing strength..

I wont give up.

Sometimes, its good not to know some stuffs.

Its just the beginning of the week, i hope the next four days would be much better. Full of smiles.

Today had a great time during the dance. Just touched up more on formation today. :P

Those good old days, i will always remember it.

No matter what happen before and after it, I dun care. I just want those moments.

Well, Shall go do my homework le :P JYJY people! :)

I know some stuffs that have happened, good and bad.

I just wanna rmbr those moments with you.

When i think of what i have done, im really sorry.

Well, i know i dun deserve your forgiveness. I was foolish and asshole.

good old memories.

2010-04-05T07:08:00.000-07:00

Shattered.

2010-04-04T06:20:00.000-07:00

9.30pm

Took a long time doing SS and geography..

Really worried if there will be any spa this week.

Looking on the bright side.

If i have a time machine, i wanna move back to my sec2 life..but i really do wanna my o's to finish soon too..

Well, off to eat dinner!

Will those memories still be remembered there?in your heart?

some things are just not meant to be that way..

2010-04-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

Gonna study soon or finish up all my homework..

I dunno why..

I feel bottled up with so many things..I wanna let loose everything..

But who can i turn to right now?

lately, feeling really lethargic. Dunno.

Remembering those days..

Why are things just so complicated?!

Can't things be better ever again?

Wonder will there be any spa next week!! Urgh!!

I really pray hard things will get better by next week..

Will u still rmbr those days?

Full of regrets.

2010-04-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

Sports Day! Reached school around 6.20am. Realised only both traning head were present there :P

So yea, went to find key to open room. Wohoo! I love my class tee alot. Sad to say, didnt win anything but well..thats not what really matters. :P

Really disappointed with myself during the handball.

Plenty of Casualties. There was once i was sitting in the room having my first bite on my bun, and i had to run out to treat people! Currently both feet is suan and injured.

Well, talked to someone. Found out some truth. Dun really care bout it anymore. Long time.

Shall go rest now. super exhausted.

Wonder how ur interview thingy turn out. Hope its aite. IMY.

Ups and Downs..

2010-03-31T07:07:00.000-07:00

First thing!! Class tee. :)

Wohoo! Awesome. really liked it alot. At least this time round, the shirt was much better than last year. Hope tmr i will have the chance to wear it. Cause i will be wearing my full u instead! Urgh.

Tmr morning have to wake up like 5.15am, so that i can reach school by 6.15am and prepare everything. Must be done by 6.45am. But i really pray hard that everything will go smoothly.

OMG. im really down and out now. I cant take it. My legs are super suan now.

Had speech day rehearsal and prize winner thingy today!! Really tiring. Had to run here and there.

Sometimes, i really think am i that idiotic and bastard?! I just dun make things done correctly.

Im on the verge of falling down. But after that, do i still have the strength to stand on my feet again? I really think that probably im just not up to that standard to do some things.

I wonder how many people hate me alot.

Im really thinking hard lately. Was thinking while eating dinner all by myself :(

Some things cannot be forced anymore. I think the situation aint improving at all..Its tearing apart.

Shall go rest now. Really tired.

If i were to fall down, who would be there to help me? :(

busy..

2010-03-29T07:47:00.000-07:00

this is just the beginning of another week..

Well, i cant really rmbr what has been going on lately..but all i know, the week before was disastrous..pathetic..i hope this week will be much better..

Really tough schedules we have for sec 4s -.- no time to let our hair down at all..

When there is time for us to rest, the duration is just too short.. -.-

Well, i have been thinking... Does perseverance and determination lead to success??

If i ever wanna talk to you bout some stuffs..would u allow??

The promise all this while, probably from my mindset..it still exists..

But looking from the situations and reality, does it? Can the promise still be carried out?

Shall end here..Shall study biology or continue with SS..

Its never too late. But how much hope left?

2010-03-25T02:30:00.000-07:00

Its just thursday and i cant take it anymore..such a horrible week..I hate it!! i dunno why things aint any better from last week..

my memory is not really functioning well for this week..dunno why..

Feeling really tired, dun wanna think of so many stuffs..Have no mood to do anything..I just wanna close my eyes..And think of nothing..Down and out..

Wednesday, had PE in the morning..Really can't take it! Feel like taking a chopper and become a murderer..Seriously, i cant take it during PE lesson..There is never a smile on his face when he is with my class..What's wrong with him?! Everytime, also not happy..Why of all does it have to be .....?? and worst thing, is with my class!! OMG!!

Well, received a msg on wednesday..really shocked when i saw it..Well, gonna settle some stuffs on saturday..Clarify some things..I think its time the truth comes to light and know the truth of some stuffs..It boils down all to my own doings..im ashamed..but i wanna to clear the whole mess and make things better..But can all these happen? I wonder..

Tmr have biology..gonna practice for spa..Chemistry gonna study electrolysis..Really hope i have the energy to study and after assembly, got chinese paper to do!! Urgh!! have to really sit down and concentrate..Cant just play with it around my fingers..

Well, saw the board on who are the winners for speech day!! Wohoo!! Deborah, Eli, Ho yang, Hilary and Shawn are getting awards too!! Congrats! to you all! Sorry if i have left out anyone else whom i know..thats all that i can rmbr.. i got Best in cadet for sjab and some award for community service..dunno whats that for..so yea..

I decided to do my duty totally without playing..i dun wanna u to feel left out alone there..So yea..sometimes sacrifices are needed to make things go smoothly..so yea do good luck! :)

Well gonna rest for now, shall study later..cant waste anymore time..

congrats on getting the best in cadet for GB and top in Chinese! Really happy for you..Right from the start, i knew u will get the best in cadet..whatever u have done will be recognised :) Be happy.. Im sorry for what my attitude today..im at fault..real sorry.. i miss you :)

Are my hopes shattering?

2010-03-22T04:46:00.000-07:00

Well im not supposed to use my laptop right now actually but nvm, shall use before i start doing all my homework..

Urgh! tmr gonna have oral exam..really worried for it..Well, good luck to all my friends too :)

Haix..things aint looking good at all lately..dunno why..

Well should stop here for now..

well, u must not be feeling well now..Do take medicine and drink water k..get well soon!! anyway, good luck for your oral tmr too:) ily..

Thinking..

2010-03-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

Went back to school to teach juniors footdrill..Yeap, roughly they are able to get it ba..

Hope they are able to achieve well for that competition..

Yeap, its 12.24am now..Supposedly im need to be down at HQ but probably, i should stay at home and finish up my homework and study..Can't lose anymore time..Its saturday!! Arr..

Still need to study for all the subjects too..

im really thinking..When will things start to turn out good again? I need those moments now..

All i need beside me now is you..But well, u are in camp..ILY :)

Feelin like an idiot-.-

2010-03-18T06:42:00.000-07:00

Well im not sure whether it can be considered as a good or bad day..

Im really confused with what have happened recently..

Yeap! Tmr no more lessons..But i have to go to school for some CCA!! Arr..It aint a holiday at all..

Nvm ba..at least got footdrill to teach :) Hahaha..

Well, had e maths lesson today! Finally finished vectors..A maths lesson! seriously, im really worried for that subject..I couldnt even understand the chapter teacher is teaching right now..RATE OF CHANGE..really confusing..before the chapter, was equations of tangent, normal and curve..alittle confused..probably the next few days before school reopens, i should really sit down and mug real bad.. I cant neglect my studies anymore! From the results, i know i have dropped.. Must buck up! JYJY to all my friends..

Urgh!! I think my first priority right now is my studies..well, feelings and other stuffs have to be put aside..But still deeep down in my heart, nothing changes..

Omg! the holiday is getting over one day after another..And i haven even touch my homework! It may be a few subjects..But actually, it a pile! Arr..probably should force myself to start doing later..I cant waste anymore time.. ANd start revising!! OMG really need someone to push me to study..Haix..im kinda depressed with my life..the day is just passing so fast..OR Is it me that im not cherishing every minute and second of my time in my school..

Yeap, today went to ngee ann city to watch the dance showcase thingy..Woo!! Real nice ! from my point of view. Yeap, Our school modern dancers were really wonderful! Good Job ppl! Another one was from woodgrove primary school..Hahaha..They were super awesome! Hahaha..Really amazed by their dance..Hahaha..Another one was from Ahmad Ibrahim sec school..Hahaha..Quite nice too! can see that Mithren was opening his mouth real big..Hahaha..either he was just too shocked by how they danced or drooling..hahahaha..there were many more..but i think these three were the ones that shocked me..so yea..

Sometimes whatever i have done, would u appreciate? Well, i dun mind actually..cause i dun wanna anything in return..i just wanna help you when u are in need that's all..

i wonder how are you right now..Yeap, tmr u have camp le..Good luck..all the best..take care..IMY :) i wanna talk to you but..

Repentance..

2010-03-17T05:14:00.000-07:00

Im really dumb to do things before i do it..How retarded can i be..If only i had done the right thing..all this cold war wouldnt be happening right now..There's nothing i can do now..

I can understand why it takes a few seconds to lose trust in someone but takes a few donkey years to earn it back again.. Once broken, no matter how much u mend it back..the "scar" will always remain there..

Till now, i have plenty of regrets in my life..i really dunno how to face myself, let alone facing others..

I really wanna make things be much better than now but how am i gonna to do that? That's the question.. I think somehow i really feel like an asshole.. Nahh..

Things between us last week were so much better than now..I dunno what happened..Suddenly that coldness between us began to start between us again this week..I hope it will be different next week..I dunno why things are like this..I hate like it!! Arr.. If only those moments where we talk to each other so happily can happen again..

I hate when good moments just happen for awhile and those bad moments have to appear for so long!! c'mon.. Why can't things be better? i know life is full of ups and downs.. I need more ups right now..im struggling myself thru all those "downs"..

This march holiday aint one at all for me and my sec4 friends..Till friday, i have to attend school!

However, I think its time for me to start studying already...Really bad..

Seriously, only when i see that smile on your face..the day seems much better for me..IMY:)

U seem very different from last week..cheer up aite..

Sometimes i really think whatever i say and do, will it really help much? im willing to help out but....

Real tired..

2010-03-13T23:17:00.000-08:00

OMG!! i seriously love piano..Wanna learn it..But do i even have the time?

Well, im still thinking if should i go help my officer be a mascot at junction 8 and earn 100bucks within 2days!!

Really miss u..cant wait to see u tmr..

deep down in sorrows.

2010-03-13T11:01:00.000-08:00

Currently 2.48am...Really crazy..should be sleeping now instead..

Well, yesterday, spent the whole day outside. Had to rush down to HQ to help out in the trainings for my FAC members..OMG! im really sitting on the fence right now.. Was told to go for AA but should i go or not?!?! i really don't know.. i think my academics is much much more important..After that, went down to Kampong Glam, Suntec City, Marina Square and Clarke Quay..My legs were extremly exhausted can!!! Couldnt walk properly at all..supposedly, at clarke quay, wanted to buy that turkish ice cream again! But they increased the price to $5 for one! Isnt that expensive?! Didnt buy at all..Three of us managed to find food for ourselves only 9plus k! ?Really crowded.. Suntec city having the IT fair! THATS WHERE I GOT MY NEW LAPTOP!! HAHAHA (:

Anyway, got back my common test results..Had only 4As..But what im most happy bout is my chinese!! My actual target is C5 but apparently, i got B4!!! Super happy.. People!! good luck for your upcoming MYE and oral k!! (: JYJY..

I hate fridays cause that's when i don't get to see you for two days..Miss you..Wish u were here beside me..

super bored..

2010-03-12T08:59:00.001-08:00

I just got my new laptop!! WOHOO!!

Should i be happy or sad?

2010-03-10T05:14:00.000-08:00

I don't know..Im really confused..People always think IF, but usually they dun get it in reality..

Haix..Its just our mind..imagining stuffs that doesnt seems realistic to happen...

Aite, very short post for now..Haven done my files and chinese paper!! Urgh..I really wanna rest my mind or awhile..But when that happens, im lack behind..not just alittle..but ALOT!

Well, had my first physics SPA..i think i cropped up most of the stuffs..Really bad..Haix..

How am i still gonna carry out my biology and Chemistry! arr!

Have to look on the bright side on life then..

CCA wise, FDI cancelled cause of some matter happening in HQ..So sad..

Yeap had that speech day parade rehearsal!! became the sjab platoon commander..Sometimes i think i should let this position off..It seems to be shorter than last year de..Probably last yr got that skating thingy..Well, NPCC became Parade Commander.. Congrats..National Day probably is GB le! Hahaha :)

FAC is in 11th of April!! Yes..all the way boys! JYJY le.. But worst thing is that, during march holidays..I do not only have to come back for remedials AND SPA! Arr..i also have to stay back to teach them!!

omg..GIVE ME A BREAK PLS!

Can i don't come? Im really tired.. the day seems shorter and shorter! CANT IT BE LONGER?!?

Will the national day parade be my last one?

IF ONLY THE WORLD CAN STOP FOR A MOMENT..

I will hold that promise till the end..I know i broke it once..ONE last time i have to cherish it no matter how its like.. BUt still, whats the outcome?

worried..

2010-03-05T23:40:00.000-08:00

Well, common test is over but that doesn't mean the end..o lvl is still round the corner soon!

And apparently, next tuesday..i will having my First physics SPA!! urgh..

Im really worried bout how im gonna fare.. Pray hard i will be able to do well, inclufing my friends

JYJY :)

Had chemistry spa..Didnt really have the mood to do anything yesterday..

And they still had to give us do o lvl chinese paper!! Didnt finish it completely..

For the SPA Practice, was doing the speed of reation experiment..Well! Broke 1 measuring cylinder! :)

Heard so that there will be parade for speech day! Really looking forward..Hope it comes true..

Its my last year in this school..wanna finish up my secondary life with one or more last parade..

I wanna strive hard for my drills..yea..FDI, when will it come? im not sure whether i should continue my Sjab life after i graduate. probably 60%.

yea, i saw ur post..Life have been kinda of tough for u lately..Sometimes letting out all ur sorrows will be the best remedy.. im willing to listen ur sorrows.. im really worried for u.. Take care..

Cheer up soon k!! Be happy.. I may not be able to taste the bitterness of your life..but im sure i know how u feel right now.. And, one more thing..make sure u take care of your health too k..

do eat at regular timing.. pls..

Bored..

2010-03-04T04:56:00.000-08:00

Wohoo!! My phone is finally back!! :) Miss my phone so much..

Need not use my mom phone anymore..Really troublesome..

And that caused me to be late for school just because of the poor alarm clock!! urgh..

My phone is like much much better! But the bad thingy is that they took out my screen guard!! Its 12 bucks! :( Wohoo..

Okay talking bout school first, well..Today had no lesson but just a trip down to NP! Omg..seriously, its really interesting..Hahahaha..Went for the biomedical egineeering course..i think..Hahaha..Saw my friend, Han lun! Hahaha..Really nice guy..Yeap, he helped me out for the ECG experiment..Really cool..And the lecture was kinda nice..Had a great time!

Well, the best part was bout the Magic of science! OMG..Really fun..I bet that lecturer was a physics teacher..Hahahaa..If we can have a teacher like him in our school, I think it would be very awesome! Yeap, even though we noticed some faults during the magic but his words were really nice..Awesome trip!! :)

After that, had to do the world maths day thingy..then went to practice the dance..Hahaha..Really tired..

Tmr have to resume normal lessons already! Haix..Pray that i have the energy to study..

Haix..Im really confused..

I knew its cant ever happen again.. feeling hopeless..

Would some stuffs just stay in the past forever or could u bring it into the future?

Hopeless..

2010-03-02T07:01:00.000-08:00

Aite..just finished doing my chinese compo..Really bad day..HATE IT!! nothing seems to go right..

Anyway had the health checkup thingy today..Had to check my backbone..its positive!! Urgh..Heard so, positive aint good..Haix.. Dunno how..

Yeap, received my english results today! 19/30! still not satisfied..duhh..Must work harder!

Geography and ss tmr..Pray hard...

Heard bout some stuffs, and im wondering why you come to a sudden decision and u didnt even talk to me first bout it? If u have told me things earlier, the outcome might have been different.

Yeap, Supposed some stuffs are to happen..but somehow due to important matters to attend to, It cant happen..so yea..

I really have been frustrated bout some stuffs lately..Haix..

I sick and tired of some stuffs..My CCA! For the FAC team, its not complete just cause one person..Super arrogant can! Even learnt how to talk back to seniors..one day, if he should do that again, i make sure he wont get off so easily anymore..And one more thing, if officers come back, i dun wanna come le..cause they can teach!! I need my days to be free too! Wanna rest u know =.=

Another thingy, i really want it to happen again..but somehow, why do people and things have to change?? I really miss the good old days..If everything can move back to the past, i would be much more happy..At least, it will be much better than now..Urgh..WHY do things have to happen like that?! I wanna repent!! Unable to forgive myself..If at that time, i knew this would happened..i wouldnt have done that at all..All i know that hoping for a miracle to happen aint a easy thing anymore..

Well, tmr is your drill test stage 3 already..Good luck k! Im very sure u can do it..JYJY!! :)

I know those words u wrote were for me..Im sorry..I will shut up k..Haix..

Have confidence in yourself..And u can do well de!! :)

All i wanted to help you is to find people who can help you out in drills..Cause i know i aint a good commander to you..i failed your expectations.

Focus and strive hard!! :)

The promise i made to you..i wanna fulfill it..but would thing between us be better??

~POOR~

2010-03-01T04:27:00.000-08:00

Just in one day, and most of my common test paper is back!!

Really disappointed with myself.. I FAILED MY CHEMISTRY! Wtf.

The others are just like borderline?!?!?

Chemistry: 18/40 =.=

Biology: 26/40

Physics: 26/40

E maths: 31/40

This is so depressing..Shall buck up!! JYJY!!

To those my friends who are going for competition tmr, ALL THE BEST!! GOOD LUCK:)

Well gonna be a short post..nothing much..

Haix..just realised im really a poor commander..Really poor..Wtf! Im going for my FDI soon..

How am i going to fare sia?!?!? I must pass!! Urgh..

Yeap sorry bout today..i did badly in teaching you..~Failure~ :(

Well, hope tmr ur two seniors is able to help u much more than i can do..All the best k!! U can do it for your drill test! JYJY.. :) good luck.. ILY:)

Wonderful day..

2010-02-27T09:03:00.000-08:00

Well, really interesting day.. Its like 1.27am in the morning now.. -.-

Aite..Common test is over..BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN O LEVELS IS OVER!! urgh..Somhow i really wish o's can come faster..but i also dun wish to spend my sec 4 life so fast..Its my last yr! So yea..Talking bout common test..

English was aite..but not sure whether im able to do well anot..

Geography : Well, Gonna lose more than 8marks -.-

Chinese : HAHAHAHA!! I got 30/50..But somehow deep down my heart, im not satisfied.. I shall Fight all the way!!

Social studies: Erm, not sure if my essay was relevant-.-

A Maths: Haix..goner..

Biology& Physics: Am l able to pass?

Chemistry & E maths : Hope im able to pass. pray hard.

Well, for now..Shall let my mind rest for awhile before carrying on with studies..Im really tired of thinking of anything..Really tired..Just wanna close my eyes and relax..

All the best for your test..

Im determined to fulfill that promise.. ILY :)

Common test day 1..

2010-02-22T02:14:00.000-08:00

Aite! First day of school was atrocious..Some stuffs cropped up..Can't be bothered..

1st paper, English..Narrative essay..

Yeap..wrote bout the 2nd question..on most tragic accident due to reckless attitude..Not that pessimistic..

2nd paper, Geography..Gonna miss at least 8 marks and above! Really did badly this time round..

Tmr its mother tongue! MOTHER TONGUE! MOTHER TONGUE! MOTHER TONGUE!

Argh..really worried..

Well, after hearing what u did to them..I thinking u are freaking unreasonable..I dun see any link in what u have done..Haix..Feel like knocking some sense into u..But well just too bad..No point..Nothing will get into ur THAT brain! Too self-centred.. like im gonna say..u weren't the person i knew anymore..Changed drastically..

I bet those words u wrote weren't for me..Nvm..

Good luck for your common test.. JYJY.. Be happy..My promise still remains strong...ILY :)

Feeling dumb and disgusted!!

2010-02-20T09:55:00.002-08:00

Justin Bieber- baby mv is out!! :) if i would rate it..Probably 7/10 only..

Nvm..just being random..

Okay..after this, will be my common test..NO COMPUTER BRANDON!!

Really disappointed with myself!! Im already sec 4 and im so lazy..

Tmr gonna mug whole day!! Urgh, Brandon..WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!!

Somehow feeling disgusted..I just wanna let you know that you have seriously changed alot!! So dun u ever say that my friend have changed..Talk bout yourself first..After today's conversation, i really think that your attitude..OMG..its really pissed me off..I dun care whether from there, u will hate me anot..I DUN CARE..But no matter what..i wanna settle some stuffs with you..Even though im not totally involved in that matter, but still..im helping a friend=.=

U know i thought it will be fruitful conversation..But it just totally turns out the other way round..When the heck do u see people talking giving the other party time limits?! Probably, i dunno HOW busy u are..Im really pissed..U weren't that innocent person i know anymore..-.-

And for the other matter, i dun see any reason why am i interfering into your personal matters..I just need to know some truth..u might not be seeing this..But somehow i trying to help you too..

I dun wish to be on anyone's side..IM NEUTRAL..

As im gonna say it again..Its just between u and me..No one else..u should know what i mean and what to do..take care..

Somehow, i think the two matters, I would like to ask a request to talk to you face to face after common test..its much better..I have plenty of stuffs to say..A meagre 10mins won't be enough..

Well woken up long time..Gonna fulfill my promise..This time i wont wanna make another grave mistake..no matter how much hope i have, i will still carry on with it..and yea, i should have listened to you from the start about some matters.. :) Good luck for you common test..All the best..

Good luck everyone!! All the best for your common test..U CAN DO IT :)

Another shocking news..

2010-02-19T06:19:00.000-08:00

First of all, Happy Birthday Bunny!! U have become 16!! Argh..im still 15 -.-

Hahaha..Hope u have a wonderful year 2010 and may u strive well for your o's aite!!

In another 2-3days, its gonna be my common test!! argh..dunno how in a dilemma now..Really worried..Shall mug like hell for tmr and sunday.. Good luck people!! All the best..u can do it :)

Okay people! Biology class was kinda into a new chapter already..Yeap!! After that was PE..HAHAHAHA..Can u believe it?!?! we were told us only to run 2rounds today? AMAZING isn't it? Ok nvm..other than all the push up, sit up and the other exercise..went to play floorball within our class..Yeapp..Have been pissed off with this person for quite a long time already..CAN WE CHANGE??!?! Urgh..? The person act as though he was damn pro..First thing, say my friend standing at the goal post like statue..WTH!! She's there for a reason aite..Well, why dun put urself in my friend's shoes? Imagine u yourself standing there and the ball rolling towards you and u missed..People commenting bout you..WOULDN'T U FEEL HURT?!?! NEXT TIME DUN SHOOT PEOPLE OFF LIKE THAT CAN?!?! Urgh.. And u also can't shoot properly..WHY SAY MY FRIEND! -.-

Well didnt have chemistry practical..Someone was absent!!

Yeap, after that had the assembly..Was watching a performance..Didnt really understand what was going on..But was amazed by the performers who had "long hands"&"long legs"..All weird weird de..Hahaha..Some eagle-luohan story..Kinda interesting actually..

As usual, Had chinese remedials..Did most of the chinese paper..

Aite..Had some serious matters to settle..After hearing some stuffs, i couldn't believe it..Luckily i ended it early..If not, i really dunno how idiot i can be..SERIOUSLY! I WAS JUST TOO RASH! Feeling like dropping dead now..Im really like a bastard..When i was still holding on to that promise..i did a grave mistake..urgh! Its my goddamn fault..

No matter how much i regret what i have done..It just wont change anymore..I was too much..

Well, from what i see "old stuffs" do carry more sentimental values and happiness rather than "new stuffs" now.. The promise i have made, im determined to fulfill it..I wouldn't wanna make another grave mistake..(let her down too much..)

From what i see, u look like u have moved on for a long time..

Furthermore, i have no rights to ask for anything le..I was at fault..i still have to say sorry.

To u, the past may have been forgotten..But it will always be rmbred in my mind.. :)

i had no choice..

2010-02-16T04:23:00.000-08:00

No more visiting to do!! Went out to study instead..

Did finish most of the chemistry wb..Shall go study after this..

Im really fascinated by Taeyang dancing skills..Real awesome can!! His wedding dress live was really nice..Hahaha..wanna learn one of his moves.. :P

Probably in another 5more days..and here comes common test!! Omg..that means o's is coming soon!! Argh..

Yeap..was talking to my friend yesterday about o's..she Got 8 and 11!! If i was her, i would be really really be elated..Can't believe it..And she still not satisfied with it..Aim was actually 6 and 9! Realy high expectations.. well for me, not sure how im gonna fare..But i must JYJY and strive hard!! All the way!! :) That goes to all my friends too!!

I have been thinking of it..well, just wanna say im sorry for ruining your day last night..It was dumb..

Well, really disappointed and heart-wrenching when i heard of some stuffs..Seriously, i had no choice..I did tried my best to tell him to stop..but i have no rights..Probably u might think its partially my fault but well, i didn't want that to happen too.. im really depressed the moment i heard that..Haix..

hope u are back in singapore le..

feeling really bad..

2010-02-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

Second day of chinese new year..

Well, collected only 2 red packets..Real pathetic..

Boring day..

after hearing what i am..I think im really a bastard..Letting a few people down..

Im real sorry..i know no matter how much i wanna mend my ways..it won't changed..

If i do have bad points that u find in me..pls do tell me..

Im sorry..i admit i was in the wrong..i was the cause of everything..i have no rights to ask anything from u..Well, i somehow know what the outcome would be like..but still, i wanna fulfill my promise.. no matter what..i wanna repent..

First day of new year..

2010-02-14T07:36:00.001-08:00

Yeap..Happy chinese new year people!! Its the first day..

Went to my paternal's grandma house..Didn't know what to do..very boreddd..decided to play with this cute little dog which will nvr grow..apparently, my aunt just treat it like some "food picker" can?! She was like, "Ji Baobei, come here!! Got food on the floor..lick it.." Omg.. Heard so that, at home..this dog even ate hair.. =.= super gross..

Sad to say, after that..Went back straight home..Maternal's side couldnt celebrate:(

Its currently 1.22am!! The second day of the chinese new year.. But thinking..Where else can i go? Other than my father's boss house? Really depressed now..Only had 5 red packets in hand now..Isn't that pathetic?! Last time, Probably could get at least more than 20 red packets?! :(

My only aim target for this year would be at least $200. =.=

Yeap..In another one more week, and its my common test!! Haven really prepared for it..Super worried!! Urgh..Should get started studying already..since this year i dun have much places to go for new year!! JYJY..Must open my books to study!!

Felt that this year is very different from the past..

Yeap, was looking at some stuffs just now..Really felt like a BASTARD in the past..regretted doing some stuffs..WHY THE HECK WAS I SO RASH?!?! WHY THE HELL DID I ACCEPT?!?!

Im really sorry for it..

U must be in china having sleeping right now isn't it?? Do enjoy ya! I dun wish to move on..those moments i had was the most memorable one..and i dun wanna lose it again..Im sorry..I admit that somehow i had broken the promise indirectly..But this time round, can u let me this one last chance to repent?? I wanna fulfill this promise again..pls forgive me for the past.. The moments that i care most is Being with u..

First day of new year..

2010-02-14T07:36:00.000-08:00

Not willing to let go of the past..

2010-02-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

Had CNY celebration.. Really awesome! Nicky and Eli were the MCs..Good job..Hahaha..I think chinese dance and modern dance this time round was really nice.. Yeap.. Sat in the first place..was able to have a good view of the performance.. '

Oh yea!! Played floorball today..Really nice..Seriously disappointed with myself..POOR CROSSING SKILLS!! urgh..Sorry to those in my team today.. :(

Yeap..4 days of not going to school is gonna kill me..Very bored even though will be receiving hongbaos..But still, This yr gonna receive much much much LESSER!! Maternal's side can't celebrate..Had to mourn for my grandma.. If only she would still be around.. :(

Hope i can get at least 200bucks..think should be very contented..

Its 2am in the morning now..

At that time, i wanted to try to move on with life..But after awhile i realised i couldn't..Something always bring me back to the past..So here i am, holding on to my promise..But will it be just futile? If i can be given a one last chance..i promise i will really cherish it well..trust me..I dun wish to be the same like last time where i regretted so much..Im sorry __ _____. One last chance??

Yeap, u are either still in the plane or reached your destination le..Believe u coming back on tues or wed right?? Have fun there..Do enjoy.. Take care of youself aite?? ILY :)

Apologies..

2010-02-10T06:39:00.000-08:00

Yeap, its been for awhile before i post..Aite things have been changing since last year..i dun wish some matters to be broken up just like that..Lately, things are becoming worse..and we had a talk ytd..Felt that some matters needed some effort to make things much better..This are for some people..Eli, Ho Yang, Callie..(Pardon me if i have left anyone else)..I think we have been treating u'll kinda of bad..For instance like not asking you'll out for studying..Probably due to hearing the no's and all that..Yeap..One Word: Sorry..

From now on, We will make the effort to make things be more vibrant..Hope eveything will be much better..

Aite..Let's talk bout today..Really exhausted right now..But i still haven study e maths..There's a test tmr!! Shall study after this..Erm, i think my CCA is getting kinda boring..I really hope that the recruits will stay on and my juniors will be able to hold Sjab high up..When my batch graduate..Still wondering if i should join OTC next time..Yea..sitting on the fence..wondering me registering for the Footdrill instructor course was the right move..Haix..

Shall go study le..

Many things have happened of late..hope things will turn out better..

Today was supposed to be a special day (10th of Feb)...If only some matters didn't change..Well, its a fact..Cant be changed.. my heart still stays with you __ ____...ILY :)

Confused..

2010-02-05T08:15:00.000-08:00

Its has been 2 days that i didnt go to school!! Even though yesterday morning was feeling dizzy and wobbly legs, really regretted not going to school.. Wasn't able to my friends, Missed out so much on studies!! and could not see her, __ ____.

Yeap, by right..if im feeling well, i would right now be sleeping on tables..IN SCHOOL..somehow im like sitting on the fence..I feel like going for the camp cause it seems fun..But on the contrary, hearing that we are gonna be campers. OOPS..That totally change the whole mindset of mine.. =.=

Still must produce MC.. Is it cause of whatever: new leader, new style? Dun even bother..

Totally missed out alot on my studies!! and i missed my a maths test!! Urgh..Should have taken it..

Just too bad, i have to fall sick on that day..

Staying at home is just a waste of time..my body is gonna rot away..Can't take it..

Read your twitter post..Didnt really quite understand..But whatever u have done, u must not be ashamed of yourself..

The only time i can get to see you is on Monday..I miss you.. :)

Regretted totally not coming today..Apart from studies, i have things to say and ask you..But i dun wanna make things worse..

Cause i dunno why i nvr fail to make u pissed..

ILY :)

Weak..

2010-02-04T05:54:00.000-08:00

Omg..I have been sick for at least 3-4 times since the beginning of school?!?! Pls bless me that i will get well soon..and be healthy again..

How i wish i can go school!! Its so much better than being at home..

Hope i will have the strength to go school tmr..I can't wait to see you
If i can't go school tmr, i wont be able to see you till monday.. :(
I miss you..

Things can't change back anymore..

2010-02-02T04:28:00.000-08:00

Its been around 3 days that i didnt post le..But this time round should kinda of a short one too..After that, Shall go study my geog!! :(

Last Monday, after school was really great..Stayed out till 7plus plus..And what's strange bout it was my mum didnt even call to check!! Whoo! yeap..Today, right after physics lesson..stayed back in school to do my e maths homework..Its never ending..I dunno why..Im still left with at least 5 ques!! Urgh.. Must fight all the way!! :)

I was never happy like before anymore..The cheerful part of me have died totally..I dun feel that kind of happiness anymore..I have lost it totally..My smiles were never there anymore..Im just like a person, out of joy already..

Is there even glimpse of hope??

Yeap, saw your blog.. thought of what u have wrote..i believe the past was nothing to you anymore le..U have decided to move on..Well, can see that your heart was meant for some other people already..Hahhaa..i have no rights to do anything..Even though i still can't let you go, but what can i do?? I bet im just hanging on a futile promise..Well, No matter i will try to fulfill it..

The feeling of what you see and hear hurts the most..Sometimes, having no ears to listen and no eyes to see, probably life would be much better..Me standing on a futile promise..What would the outcome turn to be?? How i wish i could have someone to confide in.. :(

2010-01-29T08:01:00.000-08:00

Aite currently at Yc house..Tmr have to go straight to yishun town sec school for some crap..Really pissed off..
Had some meeting with the officers at inter around 6.30pm..
Omg..Really fucked up by what they planned for the camp?? DO WE STILL LOOK LIKE COMPETITORS TO YOU?!?!?!? WHY CAN'T WE JUST BE TRANINERS?? Omg..after what i have heard what is going on..I really dun feel like going anymore?? The way officers are doing is fucking pathetic seriously..WTF!!

Today first thing in the morning..had Biology spa practice..Seriously, i got a hunch that im not gonna do well for it..Cause its like how am i going to finish up everything in 45mins?? Cutting of potatoes and mixing solutions.. =.=
Couldnt finish it in time.. Urgh.. Worst of all, I would like to ask everyone what is the best thing about PE?? Isn't it about playing and have fun instead?? Ran three rounds and played soccer, which is just all bout passing here and there?? Why can't we just play floorball?!??!?

Shall end her for now..

I love you..

Wondering..

2010-01-28T05:37:00.001-08:00

Wohoo!! Short post again~

Today wasn't really good day for me..Due to many things happening lately..

Aite..Yeap, praying hard tmr would be a better day for me..

Went Bukit Timah nature reserve..Kinda of hot..But had some great times..

Shall end here..

The moment i look at you in the eyes, my feelings became stronger..

I dunno..Even though i believe u have someone else at heart and im supposed to give up.. apparently, I just can't let you go..Its too difficult..I have been drowning myself in homework to distract myself..But i can't.. I love you __ ____ :) Ever since the gap between us grew further, Things won't aint as good as last time anymore..U were the one brought joy into my life..

Miracles won't happen anymore..

2010-01-27T04:51:00.000-08:00

Aite, Shall keep it short again..

Yeap, Today had PE..Omg!! Why can't we change our teacher??

Had to run 3rounds after that, then can play FloorBall =.=

Hahaha..Played with 4E3..It was like so difficult to play when there's so many people on the court..

Worst of all, today had that Biology which Super freaking sudden can?? Saw the paper and my eyes start to come out..CONFIRM FAIL!!

Shall go study le..

Aite..I believe the promise which i made last time won't be able to come true anymore..things have changed..People feelings have also changed too..Im just hoping for a glimpse of hope..I think she have feelings for someone else already..

I doubt that the outcome of my promise wont look too good anymore..

Even so, my feelings still remains as it is.. ILY.. :)

Is worth it??

2010-01-26T04:22:00.000-08:00

Aite..After this, shall go and do my homework..and study..

Well..i dunno what the outcome is gonna be anymore..I dun wish to think bout it..

Why am i not mentally prepared?? No matter how many times i tell myself to face it..I still cant do it well..If the outcome is positive, how much is that possibilty?? The moment i think what will happen, Im just...

If im able to carry out my promise till the end, how will it turn out to be?? Worse??

I really wanna ask u question, but after asking..I still dun have that mental prepared to take the blow of whatever it is supposed to be..

The promise will still stand high..

Why do u have to change?

2010-01-24T01:40:00.000-08:00

Yeap, gonna keep this post short..

Today morning had to go HQ with juniors for some talent time..Didnt participate..hope my juniors will be able to qualify for it..And they will be able to perform during zone presentation..God, pls bless them..Had lunch with Yc and Botak at MS..Took a bus home..I bet i was sleeping like a log in the bus..

Studied finish Physics..Yeap..Later shall continue with Geog..Homework still haven finish yet!! Urgh..Feel like sleeping too..

Ever since some stuffs happened, things have changed..Im probably the cause of most of it..Really regretted what i have done..If things didnt changed, i believe everything to me right now would be full of colours and happiness.. But that's just a wishful part of my thinking..

No matter how much i yearn for it to happen, It doesnt seem to work..When will there be a miracle for me?? No matter what the outcome is, Or whoever u like, My feelings still stay strong..

How things are supposed to be?

2010-01-23T09:20:00.000-08:00

Yeap, OMG!! its like 1.21am..

Had to go to HQ with my juniors for some crap thingy!! Urgh..So pissed off..Just because im the training head, does that somehow mean i must do most of the stuffs?? I have already done my part..And things aint right!! U know whaat?? Im just being sandwiched by what my CCA wants and what my parents wants!! Urgh..Sometimes, seriously..i have no mood to come back home anymore..They said i am putting TOO MUCH commitment in my CCA and is affecting my academics!! But WTF?!?! I can only step down in April can?!?!?

Im beginning to hate people now..I dun wish to say..But the way some people Talk, i cant take it..Is that tone and manner u talk..OMG!! In the past, it wasnt that bad..But lately, Its just like so Irritating to hear some ppl talk..I cant take it..Though i may not say out verbally, Im really angry in my heart..Haix, i myself know that my academics are much more important!! But how can u let just let go of my CCA part!! Im sick of answering questions bout CCA and Academics!! I NEED A BREAK FROM ALL THOSE CRAP!! STOP IT!!

Omg..yesterday i spent so much time doing much of my homework, was much much more productive than other days!! But still, there is another pile of homework waiting for me to clear up!! And next week, u wouldnt wanna know!! But i still have plenty of tests!! Monday, THERE IS PHYSICS!!! URgh.. GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a break..i just wanna close my eyes..And think of good memories thats all..

Grrr..

No matter what i have done, the present wouldnt change anymore..Cause i believe your heart have moved on already isnt it?? It doesnt stays in the past anymore..I cant force you..But the promise i made still stays..I just wish the best for you.. My heart is still with you __ ____

Sick of some stuffs..

2010-01-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

Aite, yesterday was really great..
Everything was apparently going on smoothly until teacher have to tell my mum that my chemistry was bad thru the phone?!? Really pissed off..
But today, was supposed to come for the PTM right after my CCA..Wanted to actually just listen to what the principal wants to say and go off..Thought he was gonna talk bout poly and JC stuffs..Omg!! Not a single thing..Its all bout " giving a conducive environment for your children to study in..EXTRE TENDER LOVING CARE.." and other stuffs..just for like 5-10 mins...So yea..

After that, went down to parade square to meet Donkey and Hilary..Played some ball and after that, we were like sitting down to share our past experience..Hahaha..Hilary was talking bout her pri 3 life which was the worst.. Probably 80% of the conversation was made from her.. :)
Talk bout so many stuffs..Was really fun..we were like sitting nearly the middle of the parade square..until 9pm before Donkey's fater came to fetch us home..THANKS!! The durian smell in the car was really nice..

Aite, yesterday CCA was really bad..everything just went cocked up..Really frustrated with it right now..Dun wish to talk bout it..Oh yea!! Today had chemistry SPA practice..yeap, was not that boring..But keep kneeling down to see the reading..Really painful lor..Probably during PE ba..Was playing Captain's Ball..There was once..i was super lucky..I threw the ball and it went into the dustibin which was at the corner..hahaha..But the team we were challenging, seriously rough la..

Worst of all, Came back home..and got lecture from parents..HATE IT!!

Haix, I miss her Now.. __ ____

Wondering if things will turn out well..

2010-01-20T06:32:00.001-08:00

Omg..Such a long day =.=
Currently having a throat problem now..haix..Most probably its passed from Shawn de.. :(
WTH!! When will be the time that i will be healthy again?? im so worried..2010, in one week..i have fever TWICE =.= Now with throat problem..Omg..Hope i will be alright soon..

Today had PE..Did all the conditioning..Past few lessons was kinda aite..but today, i was like super out of breath and weak..Probably im still recovering..yeap..Took height and weight today..162cm!! Hahaha..Grew by 2cm :) Super happy..But still, the no. still aint nice..

Homework are just piling up in front of me..But I have to get used to it..yeap, after this should resume my homework..But my eyes are trying to shut..I'm really tired..My body seems tired now..Cant move so much..

TMR STILL HAVE CHEMISTRY TEST!! AND NEXT WEEK, ITS THE BEGINNING OF CLASS TESTS!! Ahh!!

Shall go continue with my work.

(Someone important to me) : If u have feelings for someone else already, I wonder how im gonna face it..Will the outcome i faced be positive or negative?? I hope for a miracle.. 好想念您

Down with regrets and fever..

2010-01-18T01:49:00.000-08:00

Didnt go to school today:(
Was having a high fever yesterday..It was from 37.9 to 39.7
Really bad headache..
Aite shall not talk bout it..

Regretted not coming to school today..Wasnt able to see you today :(

I believe i know when to separate both studies and other matters..

The promise that i have said..would it turn out positive or negative??
I hope there would be a miracle..

wonderful celebration :)

2010-01-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

Let's talk bout yesterday first..It was the CCA orientation day!! And also HO YANG BIRTHDAY!! :) Hahahaha..Yeap..Yesterday, everything was time constraint..but fortunately everything still went on smoothly..rushed back home..took a bath..and went straight to school again..Bringing the Little Tigger to school too for BRENDA!! Hahaha..supposed to give her for her 2009 birthday..And once again, congrats to her for getting the o lvl results that was above her expectation!! :)
Yeap..Supposedly, all my three cca teachers are practically maming everyone confused..One say must fall in 3pm, another one at 4pm..last one say actually dun need so early.. =.= wth, make us rush here and there..
Supposedly, we wanted to celebrate ho yang birthday before the cca orientation but no time so in the end, after everything..then here comes her wonderful birthday moments:) once again, Happy Belated birthday ho YAng!! May your wish come true..And pass ur o's with flying colours..Stay strong and healthy:)
Reached home around 11plus..

Aite today!! Just finished most of my homework..left with chinese..

Yeap Yeap!! Woke up like 9.30 just to watch Doraemon (Hahaha..im still a small kid at heart..)
Whole body was aching..Supposed to go school physic spa remedial..but in the end, cancelled..so yea..Waited till 1plus..before going out..Went to bishan CCC..to collect my scholarship award..

OMG..Seriously, Its really boring can!! See the same old MC talking..Very bored..I apparent almost went into my lalala land..Luckily this yr, it not in KCPSS..or else, there will be performances going on..Wasting alot of time!! About 3 plus, finished..Went to J8 to get my new bag!! ZINC!!
Yup.. Currently want to study..but dunno which subject=.=
So yea nvm..Shall slack around for awhile more..Bye people!!

What will the day be like tmr??

2010-01-14T06:39:00.001-08:00

Yeapp!! In anoother 1hour plus, it will be Ho Yang birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :)
Hahahha..FInally 16yrs old!! :( (see la..im still 15 only..)
Be happy aite..hope u will have a wonderful one!! May your birthday this yr have sentimental values in it!! :) Ur seniors are coming back tmr!!

Yeap yeap..No mood to study now..I really wish tmr would be a nice one..No unhappy memories to occur..Omg!! tmr is a really time constraint..SUPER TIGHT..

Nth to say now..just too unhappy lately..

Working hard in progress..

2010-01-13T06:01:00.000-08:00

Yeap, just came back from the sec 1 walkabout..Really Tiring..But last class was THE WORST!! OMG =.= was at the top of my voice shouting at them..Haix...Apparently, though there is a girl who have signed up..but still..I believe not many people will join SJAB..What to do..Nvm..

Urgh!! feeling so tired now..Having a bad throat problem now..After i shouted today..
Hahaha..yeap yeap..maths finish..chemistry finish..Geog finish..but still, after this..shall go study le..cant afford to waste time..

Yeap! in another 2more days, gonna be the cca orientation..from 6.30pm to 9.30pm..Will have to rush home immediately right after chinese remedials..Need bring alot of stuffs to school..Urgh!! haven polish my boots!! OMG=.=

Today PE was somehow tough but still able to cope..Hahaha..but long time, nvr run le..so yea..

The moment i think of what i have heard..my heart just seems to sink..I dunno..
Sometimes, i know letting go of it is hard to..But will it be the same or change for the better??
People say patience is a virtue..But what would the outcome be? Change for the better or the for the worse?? Even though i know some stuffs no matter how hard u try, u cant succeed..Will i be able to take that blow?? Im really worried..

The promise that i have made..Im really worried for it..Things continue to change..And would the outcome be what i have wanted all this while?? I hope so..
"Does physical appearance matter so much when u like a person??"

I really regretted what i have done..

Nothing..

2010-01-12T05:15:00.000-08:00

Yeap..just finished doing my chinese homework..Really confused what to do now..Some stuffs in my heart lately just keeps bothering me..
Today had physics experiment!!! Somehow it was quite fun poking the needles..dunno why..at that time, quite bored and suddenly not feeling that well again..And worst of all, currently having a dry cough..Urgh!! please end it soon..Wanna be healthy soon..

Haix..Tmr its the sec 1 walkabout..And i have seriously no mood to do anything now..I just feel like sitting there and do nothing..But have to do FAC drills for display..Suddenly no mood to do it le..Furthermore, i cant shout now..Gonna be sore..

Tmr first period PE!! Hope it will not be a mass one..Individual better ba..

One thing for sure is that Things have changed..But what can i do about it?? I have no idea..

The promise that im still holding on to it..I will make sure it is fulfilled..But what would be the outcome? Would it be different or the situation same as now?? Whatever the outcome, would i be able to take that blow?? Im not mentally prepared..I really wonder if things could changed back to normal..

bored..no mood to study..

2010-01-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

Okay!! One week is gone..The dates of the o levels seems to be nearing soon.. :(
Im really sitting on the fence right now..cause its like i wanna o levels to finish soon so that my mind can be at ease..But on the contrary, i dun wanna it to come..cause im really super worried for it now!! Haix..im really confused and worried..

Yeap!! i can feel those white blood cells in my body losing to the bacterias..Really feeling very sick now..Haix..I cant afford to break down at this point of time!! Urgh...Throat as though got something there and really weak and cold now..Haix..Probably shall eat panadol later le..

Tmr have flagday..And seriously im really very sick of it!! i hate those people who just apparently walked away when u asked them whether wanna donate..Haix..

Even though i yearn for the past to come back, i doubt it will ever happen..Cause things have changed drastically..i really regretted what i have done in the past..But why wont i be given a chance again? I wonder..
Haix..looking at the situation..i dun wish to think bout it..
What's would be the possibilty??

Shall end here ba..

Beginning of my doom days!!

2010-01-04T02:49:00.000-08:00

Yeap Yeap!! This marks the beginning of my sec 4 life!! For the first time, im feeling very happy to go back school after the holidays..dunnno..probably can see all my friends again..
But how i wish now im in sec 2, so relaxed de.. :)

But that will never ever come true..Cause that's over!! No more!! Time to wake up for my o's..
Yeappp..today had that humanities talk by teacher..Those dates of my o's will be coming in around 9 months!! Omg..really no time to waste already..even though im so free blogging..but deep down in my heart, im so freaking about worried bout my studies..

PE teacher changed..Both maths and chinese teacher also changed..urgh..Really worried..Heard that on every friday, after assembly..we will be having chinese mock exam papers to do..Isnt it the
same as throwing me down from 10th floor to first floor?? haix..
What's the point of procrastinating when no matter what, it will still happen to me..So Yea..i shall be positive and use these mock exams to improve my ChinesE!! JYJYJY..Not to me alone..but everyone who are taking o's this yr!! All the best.. :)

Haix..must change my mode to the studying type le..NO PLAYING FOR ME!! JUST NEED TO TAHAN FOR 10MONTHS!! YEAP!! FIGHTING ALL THE WAY!! Probably shall use com only once a week starting from next wk ba..Haix..SHall continue my anime when its the time to let my hair down.. :)

I have wondering one question.."When u like someone, does physical appearance really matter much??"

Yeap..shall go eat dinner..and study le..FIGHTING!! :)

Oh yea!! I really fanatic over the song"ss501- a song calling for you"!! SUPER NICE!! :)

2009-12-31T09:57:00.000-08:00

Yeap just got back from yc house..Omg..really damn freaky..im getting more mischevious lately:)
During this holiday, there were few times when i came back around midnight or 1am -.-
Seriously, i better make not that into a habit..Just went his house to celebrate the countdown thingy -.- haix..forced to go..
(currently its 2am)
Okay im really tired now, so let's get down to some serious blogging first..

Firstly, Everyone let's forget bout those bad memories we had in 2009..but whatever good memories u had back then..do keep them deep down in your mind and not lose it..Let's move on to 2010!! Its the beginning of my sec 4 life..Soon to o's..
Okay, i wanna thank those in the clique (Nicky, Elisabeth, Ho Yang, Deborah, Cindy, Hilary, Bharti, Callie, Randal and YC) Sorry if i have left anyone else out..no offence..but i think that's all in the clique..Hahahaha..wanna see them when school reopen!! ARGH!!
Anyway, thanks alot when i need your encouragement and other stuffs..U were there to brighten up my life and bring colours into my life..Without u all, my life would probably be just a solemn and lonely sec life..Thanks for talking sense into me when im thinking ludicrously!! U have made a great impact in my life..Yeap Yeap!! I just wanna say thanks to you all..and wanna wish u happy 2010! I hope after our major exams, we would still rmbr this clique..and probably when everyone is free, we might go out again together!! :) In my life, I will always rmbr this clique..This is really from the bottom of my heart..
Good luck for your major exams next year..all the best!! Let's strive hard together aite?!?! :)

Okay, lastly before i go off..From what i feel now, I really feel extremely guilty..I have let one person down very badly..And i believe that this person aint gonna forgive me that easily..u probably might have dun care bout it but still, Im really sorry towards you..I regretted it..in any case, I respect ur decision..Im the one at fault..So yea, i believe the good old days can't be relieved again..im not trying to be pessimistic...But looking at the situation, It doesnt look good..Im trying to be there for that person to lend a listening ear..but can that happen?? :(

Shall study till school reopen le..bye people..

Bored..

2009-12-30T09:25:00.000-08:00

Haix..Its now 2.02am in the morning..and its only 3days left to school reopen..

Yeap..later around 9.45am have to go back school to clean up sjab room and discuss bout cca orientation..haix..very lazy to go..Worst of all, asst. training head lazy go!! Urgh..left only 4 people..Zalikha, Yc , Hui Yu and i..Haix..feel like staying at home to study.. =.=
Really tired now but still, my mind is still not at ease..

Im still the midst of getting ready to resume to my "studying mode"..Haix..revising my a maths textbook already:) But haven done assessment..And worst of all, haven finish homework.. :(
Im really sorry to say this, but today i just finished reading eclipse..Hahaha..i know i extremely slow..Now getting ready to read breaking Dawn.. :)

Haix..Two days ago..Around 10plus in the night, me and yc cycled from sembawang to bishan..Hahaha..crazy ba..Then the next morning, went back to his house thru cycling again..but the second time, we took longer..and seriously, our butt was really pain..As though being caned on the ass..Cant even sit properly now.. :( and my hand is still pain!!

Tmr probably gonna go school, after that go popular before going home to study already..Wanna watch avatar with the clique..But sad to say, i have no time..and Insufficient money =.=

yeap..probably gonna sleep early soon..

To someone: i bet u are sick now, do rest well and sleep early..Get well soon..drink more water aite..I believed u are very troubled now and no one to confide in now..Chill aite..There are so many people who is willing to lend their ears to listen to your sorrows..And im also willing to lend..I would be much obliged to help you..But it depends on yourself too..CHEER UP K!! Take care..JYJY! :)

just finished studying..

2009-12-30T01:22:00.000-08:00

Left with one more chapter to revise for a maths before doing some assessment!! Omg..i hate the the simple trigonometric part..Haix..Why must we have a revision test on the chapter 12?!? Can we touch up more on that part?? Im still somehow confused.. -.-

Urgh! In another 4 days time, School is gonna reopen..Yeap! good thing is that i will be able to see my friends again..BUT it will also be the beginning of my doom days before the o's!! i bet it will be only around 300 days left before the major exam starts!! Oops..Its time to prepare..Can't think of other stuffs already..

Haix..Haven finish up homework..

Shall continue if i got the time.. :)

tired and sleepy..

2009-12-28T10:25:00.000-08:00

Yeap! Justnow came back from yc house..left around 10.30plus..hahahha..really awesome seriously!! caused we went back to my house by cycling!! Omg..seriously it was very very shiok..but tiring too :) hahaha..to think we are able to do this..its somehow a nice achievement isnt it?? hahaha..yeap yeap..both my legs damn suan..took around 1hr 15mins..after that, reached around 00 02 then, as ppl would know..got scolded by my mother.. :) after that, went down to follow yc go watch soccer..kinda boring..but still, the goals were wonderful!! hahaha..im not feeling sleepy at all!!

Bought a nice green tee shirt!! really nice..thanks nicky and the others..hahhaa..once got more money, will invite you all to be my consultant..hahaha.. :)

yeap to someone: Later u stil have drill camp again ba..glad that u learnt something :) be happy aite?? i will always support you! must train up on ur drills..so next yr can use it le..JYJY!! u can do it..there's so many people who are there for you de aite?? no worries k.. :) stay strong..and dun care bout those who are creating troubles in ur life k..take care..im willing to lend u my ears anytime de..only if u want ba..

since part of the past was wondeful, why should i let go of it??

Touched..

2009-12-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

One more week before school is gonna reopen..Its time to really work towards my goal!!:)
Thinking of the major exam in a few months time, it just freaks me out..Urgh! Looks like no matter what, it cant run away from me..So yea..i just have to face it then!! FTW!!
Just now, i read your post too..you said that u almost regretted your actions..is it really true? I dunno..Well, i dun really bother much bout it anymore..so yea..

Yeap!! just now went grandma house..Omg!! my cousin brought a puppy..and i was really fascinated by it..so yea..played with it..but not for long, they went back..WTH!! so fast go back home..hahaha..the puppy was really cute..it kept running around!! Wonder if im able to get one..Hahaha..(Shall kill that wish of mine cause it will nvr happen!!) my mom will nvr..

Came back home..watched the show, The Promise..Omg, really awesome..But somehow the ending quite bad..just a painting with the guy smiling into the air.. -.- The girl was really very pitiful..Haix.. yeap yeap..so here i am..writing this blog..shall go study now..

One last thing, i bet u who u are..good luck for your drill camp today(Its 00 06)..Take care..All the best!! :) JYJY... cya when school reopens..

hesitating..

2009-12-26T22:56:00.000-08:00

Yeap!! here comes another boring day.. :(

Hope tmr would be wonderful..Hahaha..Gonna watch Alvin and the Chipmunks 2!! Will it be nicer?? :) But tmr only got at least 7ppl going only..Sad sia..some cant go cause busy or got CCA..Haix..The more people, the merrier it will be :)

Haix..im feeling so lifeless lately..Dunno why..Maybe its really time for me to study!!! OMG..Probably 5pm then start..Shit..Im just wasting my precious time!! urgh..

I really have the urge to talk to you but..seriously when i think of that, my mind just go blank..dunno what to say..I believe after what have happen last yr, i think its very awkward for you to talk to me again..I really hope next yr, things will be better between us..
Anyway, all the best for your drill camp tmr.. take care..

Okay!! time to watch my anime.

tired and bored..

2009-12-25T10:08:00.000-08:00

Again, merry christmas to everyone..hope u had a wonderful day with ur family!!

Yeap, its like 2am in the morning now..and i dun even have the mood to go to sleep..so yea..here i am blogging..probably will be staying at home to study..cause its been like around 6 days i didnt get to study!! somehow..not trying to be a pig, but im feeling hungry right now..Nvm..shall tahan till later on..

anyway, today i went to the Singapore flyer..it was somehow boring in the cabin..so yea..took some pictures..Really bored..WTF!! worse of all was that, before taking singapore flyer..my family went towalk around..and i was busy taking pictures with my bro..and when it was about time to go into the cabin..my phone camera apparently just cant work!!! urgh..so frustrated..that's why i was only able to take a few pictures..yeap, the pictures are in my FB..
Somehow im beginning to appreciate music and pictures more..i just got the inspiration to take more awesome pictures and one of my wish right now..is to probably have a good camera and learn piano too.. :) back to the story, the ride was about 30mins..to me, its kinda not worth it..
cause my father had to pay 30bucks for one ticket?!?! (1 min= $1) after that, went to vivo for dinner..seriously there's plenty of ppl! end of story..

yeap..to my bro: till now, im still confused at what i have done wrong..im really sorry..i hope u will tell the reasons soon..

to someone else: heard that u cried..i wont ask happen if u r not willing to say..im fine with it..but do cheer up aite?!?! Be happy!! :)

i dunno why im feeling so upset.. :(

Santa Claus aint coming to town..

2009-12-24T08:40:00.000-08:00

First of all, Merry christmas to everyone!! Wishing you a fruitful one..And do enjoy the day aite?!?! Be happy..

Omg..i haven been studying for at least 4days le..What am i doing man?!?!?! Haix..
Its either going out with friends or slacking at home..Most probably gonna stay the next whole week at home except Monday to really sit down and mug..Really worried for next year le..

Yeap! Today went out with Yc and Khairul to Play bowling..Supposedly, i wanted to play..but apparently didnt played cause it will really burn a big hole in my pocket..So yea..just stood there and watched both of them played..After that, we decided to roam around Clarke Quay and Vivo city..O.o saw the MV DUOLOS ship..the oldest ship right after the titanic..

To my bro: Even though im not really sure what i have done wrong this time round..But i will still apologise to you..Cause somehow i got a feeling that u are pissed off with me..So yea..Im really sorry Bro..I hope u will tell me soon..

Probably in another 9hours, i will be taking the Sngapore Flyer for the first time..Yeap..i hope everything turns out well tmr..Merry Christmas ppl!! :)

Yeap..just saw this justin bieber link..Its really awesome!! to me..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyKZCQfKIDw

yea back now..

2009-12-23T08:54:00.000-08:00

Hahahhaa...im right now in YC house around 1am in the morning?! Im feeling super bored now..and worst of all, i dun even feel like sleeping..

Today woke up around 9plus..to meet Yc to study at AMK library..seriously though its smaller than bishan library but there were much more space for us to study lor..So yea studied for at least 2hours then go eat lunch..Omg..I spent freaking lots of money and im really super worried..

Today im supposed to go play bowling with Yc and khairul..And Bharti, Hilary and Sam are coming..so sad some of the rest cant come..

Haix..yesterday seems much of a disaster..too much that i cant explain all!! first of all, im really sorry Hilary..i didnt know that your handphone pouch was open ma..VERY SORRY!!

Shall end here..

tired and confused..

2009-12-22T06:17:00.001-08:00

Omg..WTF!! what the hell just happened? im really so confused now..
really now in a serious bad mood..

Tmr was supposed to study with my friend..then in the end, cant go study!! -.- really pissed off..
hope tmr i will be able to study at home ba..

WTF!! WTF!! WTF!! Stop it already can..Im sick of it..Stop msging me bout stuffs regarding bout my personal life and family..I need some peace!! i bet u know who u are..If u are going to msg me some stuffs regarding my life ever again..im so gonna ignore it..For the last time i gonna say this, Stop it..
Bet this is called "retribution"..cause when i rmbr of those days when i kept pestering someone..BUT AT LEAST ITS NOT BOUT PERSONAL LIFE..Omg..really regretted it..Bet things would be much better now..

I really miss the past alot..
For 1st one, one word to describe it, "Crap.."For the 2nd one, OMG!! two words to describe it, "EXTREMELY AWESOME"..For the 3rd one, one word and three letters to describe it, "BETRAYAL, WTF!!"

Till now, from the bottom of my heart, i would always rmbr the 2nd one...It was the best..Even though things mat not have happen much but still, i still love it the best..i really regretted what i have done in the past..But would i be able to be given another chance?? Thinking of it, i finally realised that that im totally responsible for what have happened..to that person, im really sorry..
I know some stuffs cant be forced..but i really really yearn for the good old days of 2nd one to relive again..But i know the possibilty of that happening..would be less than 0.1%..Haix..I still wont give up..PERSEVERANCE!! FTW!!
But even so, Im trying to look at a optimistic point of view, but i dun think it can happen..

Whenever i think of the past, the feelings just grew stronger too..sorry..

Well 2010, its gonna be a major year for me..haix..Gonna mug real hard..

Bro, i dunno what have just happened..but seriously i hope we didnt done anything wrong towards me..Sorry if im the cause..Cheer up!! :)

Can things be better like last time??

Back to blogging..

2009-12-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

Yea im back blogging!! Past few days was very lazy to blog even thought im online..Have been watching one particular anime that im fascinated only with..

Lately have been going out to study with my friend..Cant really stay at home to mug..cause the surroundings would be very distracting..So yea..studied chemistry only to an extent..biology still have to carry on..worst of all is Physics..i didnt even start on it.. -.-

feeling so tired now..cause every night i will be like sleeping at 3am..Hahahahha..apparently not to study but use com..Aint i crazy?? Probably next yr i wont be able to use much of com anymore..The whole mind would consist of only one word, "STUDIES"!!

Yeap..Shall continue tonight!!

Hahahaha..she's back!! so happy..but still cant see her till school reopen.. -.-

tired..

2009-12-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time that i have post..so yea..today seems to be my bro's special day..so im gonna post..

haixx..its just about 2 more weeks before school is gonna reopen..

anyway bro!! happy birthday..have a wonderful day aite?!?!?! be happy..may your dreams come true k!! :)

Pissed off..

2009-12-10T07:13:00.000-08:00

Omg..Seriously my day has been broken by a few matters!!

First off, today was the last day of the FAC tranings..And apparently some stuffs happened..and i had to like fork out at least $100 for it?!?!? Urgh..im really super pissed..Furthermore, this is not my parent's money..ITS MINE~ For goodness sake, i have already been very kind to give at least $100 k!! To me, its kinda alot can..Worst of all, my family doesnt print money notes aite??!
Sorry..even though somehow im at fault..but u do play a part in having some resposibilty in it too..But im still gonna stand firm..not trying to be selfish or whatever..but i will make my stand clear..Im only able to afford this much..Im supposed to pay for the old one and not the new one!! im already been kind enough to fork out some money..which is also much more than what u are paying!!

Secondly, to someone whom i thought you were an innocent and nice girl..I just read your blog..Im really amazed by what u have write..but somehow..i think most of the parts are right..For instance, your reasons..Probably one of the reasons is understandable..but the other reason..when i read it..the person who came straight into my mind..i hope u are not talking bout her..cause somehow..the matter is only meant to be between me and you..NO ONE ELSE..We guys aint blind at all..I dun even wish to drag my friend into this matter..But if the person u are talking bout on your blog is the same as who came into my mind..i think i do have the rights to protect my friend..I believe we, people, shouldnt accuse others without getting the facts right isnt it?!?! I didnt know you would be like this..Im really extremely disappointed in you..I dun even care whether u gonna hate me from now on, but all i know is that should the person u were referring to is my friend, i will stop your nonsense..Even my friend thinks that there's no point in sorting things out anymore, but still, i will make sure these unsupported nonsensical accusation are been put to a stop..I bet now u would be thinking that..probably that not knowing me in the first place, ur life would have been much better..By all means..My feelings have hardened..
And btw, i doubt there's any point bearing any grudges towards the person u were referring to..
Another thing would be the misunderstanding between you and your buddy who have known you for at least 1yr! U should not be pissed off with her..she has done no wrong..Even though i asked her for some help in some matters, I believe that she cherishes your friendship much more than my friendship with her.. Before that, i had a sis and bro friendship with her..but i have already broken once and for all..Its just causing lots of trouble..so yea..Even though she help me out in whatever i told her..but deep down in her heart, nothing will ever be able to break the bond between u two..Well let's just say this..im gonna disappear from both of your life..To make things better between you two..So yea..dun just let such a small misunderstanding destroy your 1yr friendship with her..Let me reiterate this again..she really does care bout the friendship you have with her..

Urgh..Im so pissed off..

haha..today after training went to Bishan J8 like around 5plus..to go find Elena..hahaha..SHe was waering that cute little santa claus hat..hahaha..Bought something from action city..Then went to have dinner with Botak and Yc..Really had fun!! TAlked bout some stuffs..REALLY REALLY BIG HOT TOPIC!! hahhaha..

Shall end here..Tmr gonna study with my friend and after go ice rink FOR FREE!! hahaha..hope it would be nice then..

Went out with nicky and clique..

2009-12-09T08:31:00.000-08:00

Yeap..Woke up around 6am..Had to rush down to Toa Payoh Methodist church to volunteer our school other ug..Hahahha..see!! ain't we good?!? Even though we r told no need to help them..but we still volunteered..Three fo us..Mr Poh, hui yu and i!! :)
Erm..yea actually wanna thanks Ho yang and her junior, sammy..For actually following us to your hq, just to get the "donation bag".. THANKS YEAP!! :)
Yea, went to AMK, Bishan to ask for donation..my legs are aching?!?!? Urgh..
Around 1plus, went to meet Eli and callie at tpy inter..then met the rest at novena..
Went to nicky's house to watch new moon..OMG!! thought it was gonna be interesting..but in actual fact, it was like so boring?!?! But still, going to her house was nice..We talked bout ghost stories..and played some 'truth or dare'..Hahaha..
Yc and Randal were supposed to call people on the phone..and it was freaking hilarious..
Went back home around 8plus..

Yea!! tmr is the last day of training..c'mon juniors..u all can do it!! JYJY..Shall do my best in teaching them tmr...and its 9am in the morning..Omg..

Im beginning to sense that the holiday is coming to an end..and the year 2010 will soon begin!!
Im trying to lose that 'holiday' mood..so that im prepared to go into "study" mode..Urgh!!
Tmr after training..around 6plus..will be going to mac d to study with my friend till 11.30pm..Hope it will be fruitful ba!! Shall continue this till next friday if im free...

Sometimes i really feel, would the world be better off without me?? Hahaha..i really wonder..

The feelings are coming back!! I must learn how to distract myself and control..urgh..
Im determine to keep that promise this time..I wont give up..

I hate the word, "JEALOUSY"..it freaks me out alot..

Sec 4 ppl, JYJY for next yr!! all the best..

Studies!!

2009-12-08T08:34:00.000-08:00

I think its really time for me to sit down and start studying hard already..
I just wasted practically most of my time doing nothing..OMG..
Haix..
I bet im still left with somemore homework..
Urgh!! Though now its like a crucial time for me, Im still like so freaking lazy?!?!?!
Shit..Cant be bothered with myself now..I just have to keep pushing harder!!

Come on people!! Let's strive hard for our studies ya!!

The good old days during the first semester of my sec 3 life still remains unforgettable to me..

realise things aint right..

2009-12-05T04:58:00.000-08:00

Yeap..Today woke up at 7plus..Had to rush to HQ to teach my juniors about the ambulance thingy..Really fun today..But got pissed off cause of some matters..
It ended at 1200 and After followed botak and Yc go to Far East plaza..Saw some clothes that i really wanna but but but..Its like super ex?!?! Yeap ate curry chicken noodle..Haahaha..suddenly got very big appetite..so yea..First time i drank rose syrup with lime?!? sour but nice :)

Hahahaha..went to raffles place to go for some musical concert invited by my officer..hahaha..nice but alittle boring..The chinese orchestra by NYP was much nice though..regretted taking video..YEap..so on the way back to mrt station..saw the word "CHOPSTICKS"..Meant for samantha de.. :)

Went to have dinner with Yang Chung..Talked bout some stuffs..

Omg..Im beginning to worried bout my o's!! Urgh!! Haix..seriously i have no time to play le..I just need to really get down on my ass and Work thru the night..Im really very worried..I cant be bothered with other stuffs now except studies...So yea..Those sec 4 next yr..JIA YOU JIA YOU!! All the best..
Sec 4E1..All the way people..We can do it.. Lets strive hard together aite?! :)

shall end here..and go study le..

I finally knew the reasons and im really disappointed in what i have heard..But anyway, i cant really care much le..So yea..Time to move on with life..majority of my mind is now focusing on studies..

I will still keep that promise i told you last time.. :)

Willing to let go..

2009-12-04T04:41:00.000-08:00

Yeap seriously im bored to death now..
Woke up around 9 plus..Met Hilary at mac to study and finish up all our homework..Hahaha..I have almost finished everything except my chinese..Urgh!! i was cleaning up my whole study corner and Accidentally threw away my chinese textbook!! So careless of me..
Studied for hours and seriously it was reallly fun lor..Cause of some matters..Omg..i really feel like puking because of it..Hahahaha..

Yea..so here i am..sitting in front of my com daydreaming..wondering what to do..What show should i watch?? Im super bored..

Things have changed so much..but i still prefer the good old days..Those memories do bring to me a significant value that makes it unforgettable..Im beginning to start to move on with life..

Shall end it here..nothing to do..Boredom is bad.. :(

ready to move on?

2009-12-03T08:24:00.000-08:00

Its like 00 47 now..Just finished doing both my maths mock exam papers..
And later like around 10am, i will be meeting the bunny to do homework and start revising on my sec 4 chapters le..Hahaha..and i need to burn a small hole in my pocket for her!! urgh!!

Today went back to school again to train my juniors..I think i know the positions of those juniors le..shall release the news to them only on 5th Dec at Hq..Urgh..Hope i dun see some "Notorious" officers there...This sat..hope everything can go well..cause its like the only time where i can train my juniors how to take out trolley bed from the ambulance..Pray hard...
Hahaha..shall do my PT with the juniors..can train up on my stamina too.. :)

After so many things that have happen..i believe i really have to be prepared to move on with life le..There is two priorties in my life now..
1. my O's (2010)
2. Achieving well in My cca
I believe for now, nothing is as important as this two.. :)

I must get prepared to move on with life..hahhaa..shall freeze my feelings for the moment..

Oh yes!! Really shocking to go school today.. My officer celebrated my belated birthday for me!! thanks alot Hweepeng and Yee ning!! :)) Haix..forgot to take pictures lor..Super touched..

urgh..forgot to write two training reports le..Haix..Omg!! dun really have the mood to write now..

Yea..im beginning to learn from others..Must cheer up and live well!! :) yea..i think its time..no point thinking bout those sad memories..

Its the end..

2009-12-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

Yeap..Its already 00 14..that marks the end of my birth date..even though im only officially 15 now..

Didnt really do much today..Yeap was forced to go out for dinner..Urgh!!
Really bloated..Luckily no birthday cake..If not im gonna be very angry..Cause seriously i just dun have the mood to celebrate..
The matter still lingers in my head..I just dun understand why it is so sudden..

Erm..the hole in my heart still remains there..but today feelings was much better than those previous days..So yea..

I wodner when we are able to talk again..i really wanna know the full truth..

hurt even more..

2009-12-01T04:26:00.000-08:00

Probably in about 3 1/2hours time, its just gonna be a normal day to me..Hahahaha..it doesnt just seems to be a special day to me anymore..Its just a day where im finally 15years old that's all..so yea..tmr im just going to stay at home and live with a normal life..I dun see anything significant to celebrate this day anymore..The feeling to celebrate that day is gone..Well, probably i should just know that im officially 15yrs old thats all..

Today woke up around 8 plus..went out at 9 to go back to school for my CCA..Realised that im starting to lose the strength of my voice..Its getting lower and lower..My drills were apparently just deteriorating..probably just didnt have the mood today..
My juniors are really learning very fast!! keep up the good work!! JYJY..

U said the matter was just something small?? It may be to you now..But somehow, the matter is big to me now..apparently within that half a month, I just started to have great feelings towards that matter..but within one day, everything is gone..I cant blame you..I believe there are more reasons in why this matter have to be stopped..(I really miss you badly now monkey..)
Furthermore, i have no rights to make this matter relive again..
Well, i can see that you are better now..Still, i will wish good luck for what you gonna do..

The hole in my heart looks like its not gonna recover..Its really heart-wrenching to know bout the news..

Tmr will just an ordinary day to me..No significance belonging to the date anymore..It will be very empty..

Monkey, All the best for your studies and life..Erm..yea happy birthday in advance too..

Its not all about whether to face reality anot..but just rmbr what was said on 27th nov and on 29th nov..Its really very painful to the heart and shocking seriously..

Still hurt

2009-11-30T07:23:00.000-08:00

Like i say, the hole in my heart that could not recover for 6 months..was recovering slowly..but now, the hole just grew bigger..And this time round, i believe its gonna be much worse..

Till now, i really dun have the mood to do much stuffs..but today, tried my best to change things around..Supposed to wake up at 6 plus..so that im can meet YC at Paya Lebar station at 8.15am..In the end, woke up late..Rushed to Toa payoh Lorong 8 to have breakfast with YC instead..His uncle brought us to Pasir Ris Downtown East..Gotta to "take care" of some kids of 7years to 10years~
Omg..Those kids were really super high!! At first, went there..Realised that both of us were big-sized to them..Hahhaha..THough they were super mischevious, but still it was worthwhile..
Throughout the day, i kept thinking what have just gone wrong..Really upset..

I dunno whats the reason totally for all these stuffs to happen in that manner..but i really hope you can tell me soon monkey..
I really miss you badly now..

Haix..Tmr still need go school..shall end here..no mood to do anything anyway..
Would things turn out for the best?? i really hope so..

Hurt

2009-11-29T02:36:00.000-08:00

Looks like starting from today onwards, my whole life will be changed again..

I thought everything that was planned would be successful..but looking from the situation now, i doubt its gonna happen already..I have no one to blame but just myself..I waited for this week to end, probably to think that something good would happen..But it happened to be otherwise..I have seriously no mood to talk to anyone now..It just happened when i woke up..
I feel damn suffocated now..i need to go out to somewhere to be just all alone..I have no mood to talk now..Shall end here then..

I would always rmbr the day when i had my lunch on flagday..
Monkey, just wanna tell you this..i really do miss you badly..
ILY :)

I dunno why must things turn out this way?? Its just too shocking k..I didnt even have sufficient time to digest it completely..Im like so pathetic now..Haix..really feeling very hopeless..

Thought the message was gonna be a good news..but it turned out otherwise..Hurt badly now..
The hole that didnt heal for at least 6 months..was just about to recover and now, the wound is much worse..Its gonna be much longer this time round..

Weird...

2009-11-27T22:07:00.000-08:00

Omg..What in the world is everything going on?!?!? Everyone seems very pissed off..What happen?!?! Me myself aint in a good situation..Still facing some serious misunderstanding now..
Im really at loss now..

Monkey, im not sure what have happened..im willing to listen to what u wanna say if u want to..Anyway do cheer up k?!?!? Be happy..I really do miss you badly now..
Are you being angry with me?? Im wondering..If u are, then im really sorry..

The spirit of this whole week seems to be dull and destroyed..

Being accused wrongly..

2009-11-26T04:27:00.000-08:00

HAH!! Im back from CHina ytd!! Haahaha...really miss Singapore food badly but most importantly, is still monkey and my home sweet home!! (the two most important thing in my life other than studies)

This is really one unforgettable trip but sad to say, monkey couldnt go..if not, probably the trip would have been much better..But i have learnt some things thru this trip..
When i touch down Singapore, it wasnt the end k..i had my breakfast and rushed straight to school..I had to attend my Sjab flag day..My body was really damn freaking tired..So yea, this time round..my donation tin was pathetic..So yea, secretly went to CoffeeBean..sat to rest..Hahaha..drank Mocha Latte!! super nice..

Around 12, Went back to school..Returned the tin and went lunch with Yc and monkey..Took train to Cityhall and ate NewYork NewYork!! First time people.. :)
Ordered some cheesy chicken and expresso latte..Omg..the cup was like damn freaking small?!?! Wth..Hahahha..One gulp and its gone!! luckily monkey bought the drink was huge..she cant finish so i drank it..hahahaha..really nice..But due to time constraint, immediately have to rush back home after lunch..SO Sad..

Depressed cant msg you this whole week..I miss you dar!! :)

A brand new start!!

2009-11-14T08:01:00.000-08:00

Hahahahahha..In at least around 23 hours time, i will be in plane setting off for Beijing!! Haix..Im so eager to go for this china trip but i will miss everything and everyone in Singapore.. Haix..

SHall go watch my show now..

Monkey!! Do take care of yourself k..See you on 25th nov..

bad day..

2009-11-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

Haix..why cant we just take a break from homeworks?? WHY?!?! Why is it that when one pile of homework is done, another pile comes in?!?! Isnt it going to end?? Haix..im really tired..really deprived of sleep..Practically everytime i go school for bridging programme..I will be like super tired and sleepy..

Haix..LATER have to hand up E maths and A maths and seriously, i haven even finish up my A maths..Gonna die le..Chemistry, halfway..E maths, some dunno how to do..Really having a headache..and in 3 more days!!! I will be flying off to China?!?!? Hope i will alright by then..

Lately, i dun have the mood in school..Cause im really troubled by something..and TIRED...
Im trying to find to remove that gap between us..Since now things have changed, i have decided to adapt to it ba..But I really wonder if we are able to not ignore each other..Since u wont ever let the past come back again, but i really wanna be friends with you again..Like seriously..good friends who help each other when either side is in need..In class or whatever, i will just pretend nothing is happening le..I cant control you around..Whatever i see or hear, i shall not ponder over it..Though im gonna continue my promise towards you, but im just going to be a lonely boy again le..Just wish that you are happy and contented with whatever you trying to do, and im fine..Though no matter how much it will hurt me, i will still bear with it.. Can we talk like normal friends from now on??

I miss you..

Special Day

2009-11-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

Today is meant to be a special and memorable day for me..But will it ever happen again?? Even if it cant be, this number 10, of every month, i will always rmbr it in my heart. Everytime when i think of those good moments i had in the past, i feel so depressed. Cause those days cant be relived again..JUST only one person is able to make it happen..

Haix..today went back to school for my bridging progamme.. Omg seriously, u cant possibly have 6 lessons of E and A maths combinations in one day!!! Its super tedious..The last 2 lessons, my brain is already malfunctioning...how am i going to understand my maths la!!! Please..Give me short break and im already contented..Tmr still got Physics and Chemistry and English!! Urgh!! Still have to go dance rehearsal..seriously i dance till both knees are injured now and my right wrist is like so difficult to rotate and i cant clench my fist totally..Its very pain..

Hahaha..probably today is one of my best first aid lecture i have given..Its for GB de..Hhahaa..the lesson just seems to be so interesting..And apparently some GB juniors called me a MONKEY?!?!?! In what way do i look like a monkey??? Hahahhaa..It looks like having a class with more people is so much better...

I really wish we can talk before going China..I miss you..

sick..

2009-11-09T07:03:00.000-08:00

Haix..OMG!! seriously i gonna go nuts soon..Cant the school just give us a break?? i really cant take it when there's maths everyday?!?!?! Apparently till now, i haven even finish my maths homework k..i dun really quite understand it..and i have so many questions to do..Urgh!!! when i see the questions, my brain just wanna keep stop thinking la!! haix..Im like feeling so super stressed now k..I dun even feel like thinking about anything now..Worst of all, i dun even have tuition k...

Haix..im really upset now too..though the matters between me and someone have happened months ago, but it just seems that the person hates me alot..Am i really a pain in your ass?? I just really wanna remove that hostilty gap between us ASAP..But how am i gonna have a chance to talk to you if you dun allow?? I feel so alone..i long to hear your voice talking to me ever again..Will things between us ever be better again?? Can we talk ??

Shall get back to my homework le..

Congrats on getting your new phone.. =D

sad..

2009-11-06T09:30:00.000-08:00

Haix..Its really bored to go back to school just to study..the bridging progamme just doesnt seemed to help me much lor..Seriously im already in that holiday mood whereby i just wanna rest, slack and think bout someone that's all..Im currently soon to have my mental breakdown but i still have one more week of bridging progamme to attend!!! Argh!! Isnt it just killing my time?!?! Apparently after bridging programme, two days later, i will be flying off to China, Shandong.. And the worst things is that once i touch down on Singapore at 05 45..i will be having my breakfast and i straightaway have to rush down to school?!?!? Cause i have to do my CCA flag day!!! Grrr...Isnt it just so pathetic?!?!? Pls la people, GIVE me a very good break can?? My schedule is like so packed for next week?? Monday, Wednesday and Friday i think i will be having rehearsal for dancing and on Tuesday and Thursday, i will be helping out for the FAC training..Urgh..

Im feeling kind of not feeling well..But i doubt its cause of the jab i took yesterday..my predictions is that its cause of me staying so late in school and sleeping so late?!!??! I really cant take it..really wanna close my eyes soon..

I know that things between us can be better..but just that we have to have to make the initiative to remove that hostility between us can? I really wanna talk to you before we go to China..I know im not able to do the talking there..so can we talk in Singapore instead? I miss talkng to you so much..Till now, seriously i still do consider you as someone that i do confide in...I realy hope things between us can be better... i miss you badly now..

Im still wondering bout whether to wanna go for the friday thing..Will i make things better or worse??

2009-11-03T06:53:00.000-08:00

Haix..seriously nowadays i just dun have the feeling of going for FAC training la..after today's training, i just dun wanna teach anymore le..but still, i have to go back to teach sia..Haix..
I must have that word "ENDURANCE" in my mind!!

Today just seems to be quite of a bad day for me..During sjab training, quarrelled with my friend just because of some dumb matter..then come home, have to see all the black faces of my family members..So yea..didnt talk to them at all..Then while watching television, suddenly my mom asked what do i need to buy for clothes..haix..my phone just vibrated and she was like pissed off..Pls la..what do you expect me to do when my friend msg me?!?! Like that, so hot-tempered for what?!?!Really pissed off man..

Less than two more weeks, im already going China..Haix.. feel like going but also have the feeling of not going too..

To someone special to me, i really wanna to talk to you privately before the China trip..Im not sure if im asking the impossibilty but seriously, can we have a small talk one of these few days??
I really miss talking to you already..You are just too special to me that i cant forget..i miss you badly..TAke care..